uncle frank

and on the dawn of february...i do have some resolutions for 2008.

spend time writing more than once a week
originally i thought maybe i should commit to doing this every day, but that is simply too much for me to handle right now. writing includes blogs, journal entries, MFA writing samples, and myriad other possibilities...but does NOT include emails. because that would be the lazy man's way.

focus on ways i can be optimistic
in 'home alone', kevin mccallister's dad tells uncle frank, when it seems "WE SLEPT IN!" and are probably all going to miss the flight to paris, "think positive!" the curmudgeonly frank replies, "you think positive, i'll be realistic." i think i have more than i want of that uncle frank attitude within me. i'm a very practical person and i think that to maintain practicality i tend to neglect optimism...which ultimately leads to pessimism. i want to think more about what's possible and how to make the good things happen instead of looking for reasons why they can't.

pray in the mornings while i walk the dog
there. so much more specific than last year's "pray more". this is something i can work on. and i walk emmy every day, so i really have no excuse not to follow through with this.

and in related news--pray for my husband and my marriage every day
perhaps i should do this on my morning walk!

figure out what i'm supposed to do for work
i feel really overwhelmed with possibilities and interests and absolutely uncertain of what path to pursue. i really hate it. i want to do something i love and am passionate and excited about, that benefits me and others and that uses my intelligence and gifts. but i'm kind of lost right now and i really really really want this to be the year that i figure out what direction to move in...however slowly.

start doing exercises to strengthen my back
my poor, neglected back. the abs get all the glory and it's just not fair. or right. back, it's your time to shine!

re-read my list of 2008 resolutions before 2009
if history is any indication, i'll forget a few of these bad boys before next year.

phone call

i just received a phone call from the arc of spokane. they collect clothing and household items and provide services for the developmentally disabled. there are a lot of things i want to donate to them so i was really glad to see their name on the caller ID. but the mood turned from childlike excitement to pure childishness when, after i answered, the nice old lady on the phone asked, "is mama home?"

hmmm...all i could really do what a) be extremely grateful that this didn't happen during a face-to-face encounter at my front door and b) embarrassedly reply, "this is."

ahh, youth.

this happened!

all this week i've been trying to decide on what new year's resolutions i want to try for in 2008. i've gotten the list down to a few finalists but i'm still not ready to post them. but i thought i'd look at how things went for 2007. the resolutions were...

run 1000 miles
i did it! this happened! i tracked my mileage for most of the year with nike+. it broke in the fall but i totaled my pretty darn close to exact estimated mileage and i ran about 1332 miles last year! i'm pleased.

start wearing face lotion that contains sunscreen
i did this! i'm pleased again! i got this lotion i like quite a bit. it is clean and clear oil-free oxygenating ultra-light moisturizer spf 15. i like it so much that i wear it every day without even thinking about it. i also bought a body lotion with spf 15 that i like quite a bit too - vaseline intensive care daily skin shield. neither lotion is smelly or greasy.

pray more
oh my. when i first wrote down that resolution i made a note that it was written in a vague, immeasurable way, which is so true that i have no idea how to figure out if the goal was accomplished. i don't think i prayed ENOUGH. but i may have prayed more than in 2006. hmmm.

worry less
again...the vagueness. actually, i think i did worry less about some of the things that i used to be overly concerned about, like money. so that's good. and we've made up our minds more about who and what to give money TO, so that is also good. A+.

keep in better touch with friends
i feel pretty good about this. it doesn't hurt that i got to see lots of friends over the holidays, or that we just sent out and received a bunch of christmas cards so i feel extra connected to people right now. either way, i'll take it.

a perfect storm

as i get older i've been trying to dress a little better. i wish i could say i had found my elusive "personal style", but at this point i'm mostly trying to wear things that fit and flatter me. i try not to buy things that are too trendy or too, shall we say, cutesy, mostly because i am one of the youngest people at my work and don't want to emphasize my babyness, and also as someone who works with teenagers i don't want to look exactly like a kid in my non-work hours either.

but this morning i had an incident. a perfect storm, if you will. i was wearing a pale green puffy coat (a child's coat with fake fur trim....oh my), fake costco uggs (with my pants tucked into them! but that really is the best way to go in the snow) AND a white snow hat with a ball on top. it was 6:45 am and i was going out to walk the dog, and it was still dark, and i broke one of my cardinal rules, which is that i simply am not allowed to ever wear the hat and coat in combination, because i really don't know what could be cutesier or trendier. i was sure i would see no one. but of course my neighbor was outside leaving for work and wanted to have a conversation. he was like, "is my baby keeping you up at night when he cries?" and i was like, "no - are you secretly cringing because of my outfit? do i make you want to die inside?"

even worse was a couple of weeks ago when i wore the puffy-coat-and-faux-uggs-tucked-into-pants ensemble on a very brief trip to albersons when i ran into about 10 former high school students who were oh so cool and buying cigarettes. i was so embarrassed. also, i had been crying, for undisclosed reasons, right until the point of entering the store. it was a perfect night.

so the rule is: hat and coat=not okay. hat and boots=okay. coat and boots=okay outside, not okay at albertsons.

something something but...

is it just me? i know a lot of nice people, and people who do the right thing and are kind and are generous and forgiving and all of those good things. and here's something i hear a lot when they're talking about other people:

"i love her, but..." "i like him a lot, but..." "his mom is great and i love her, but..." "don't get me wrong, i love him to death, but..." "she's super nice but..."

i think all of these "something something buts" are actually us nice people saying, "i'm really nice, but still i have to say..." and "you know i'm not a judgmental jerk but i want you to know..." and "you know me, i'm a good person, but..."

i do this myself sometimes and i think it's kind of stupid. i'm going to try not to qualify my comments with a "please like me anyway, but..." maybe it's better to say what you think and let it stand for itself or just keep it to yourself to begin with.