Affirmation

I'm at Starbucks doing my "Sunday thing." I say that in quotes not because it's not Sunday--it is--but because I don't have a need for a Sunday thing anymore. I used to go to a coffee shop on Sunday afternoons with a book and my journal because I dreaded going back to work on Monday so much that I started to hate Sundays and needed to escape. I don't dread Mondays now. I don't even work then, or on Fridays. Brad and I slept in on Friday (7:40--look who's living now!), and I went on a very long run, and we went to Costco (glamorous!) and got Frosties on the way home. Life isn't fancy and it's still not all that I want it to be, but there's a sense of freedom and spontaneity that's been lacking since college, minus vacations and weeks spent in Mexico.

I always knew, since my days at Adams Temporaries, that an office environment wasn't for me. I knew since my first month living in Spokane that a set 8-to-5 schedule was wrong for me, that the jam-packed days at Western were full but varied and that it was good for who I am--I loved bouncing between nannying and going to class and writing papers and hanging out with Brad and friends and roommates, going to the INN, playing music--the unpredictable but often familiar rhythm of that life suited me. I wrote and read. I listened. I laughed a lot.

The last five years have been quite good and I have learned a lot about myself--who I am in a new place, what it means to be a wife, who I am in Christ (or at least a little part of that), what some of my strengths are, and what some of my weaknesses are too. I've developed new hobbies--loves, really--and built relationships and learned how much I love being a leader for youth ministry. But much of the last five years has simply confirmed things I've known about myself for a long time. I don't want to work in a corporate environment. I want a flexible schedule. I want to write. I'm organized and productive and can do a lot within a routine, but I'm also deeply creative.

I found some old journal entries from about 3 years ago that list what at the time I considered to be possible future careers: writer, editor, nutritionist, entrepreneur, ministry-related job. Essentially the same list I came up with this year when I decided to get serious about myself future-wise. God has shown me and reminded me, again and again, who I am and what I love and don't love--what makes me more and less myself or, as good old Oprah would say, what makes me my best self. All that's different now is that I'm using that knowledge to decide what to do with my time. Doing that has been surprisingly natural and good.

The very day I started work at First Pres, the end of my brief no-work hiatus, I received an email from the editor of a local publication asking me if I'd be interested in freelancing for them. Brad and I have an ongoing joke about the phrase "It's a God thing", because people often use it in such cheeseball ways, or about such trivial things that I just don't believe God would intercede in--anything from getting out of a traffic ticket to being at Wal-Mart at the very moment a new shipment of Mario Kart arrives. So, I semi jokingly asked Brad if he thought the email from the editor might, in fact, be a God thing--receiving it on the first working day of the new me seemed like more than total coincidence. Brad suggested that it might be better described as an affirmation, which I find really fitting. God has patiently and faithfully reminded me of who I am, and now that I'm taking some risks to become more like that person, he's affirming me, via the email, via the freedom I feel. I did hear his still, small voice over the years, often in myself, and since I heard it in myself I often ignored it. But now that I'm responding, so is God. It's nice.

unemployed

I'm officially unemployed! I just got home from my last-ever day at the bank and it is SO WEIRD I can't even explain it. Who would have thought that leaving this job could leave me feeling so melancholy?

So it's on to the next thing...a couple of days at home, then a trip to Tijuana to build a house, then a few more days at home, then the new job. It's kind of crazy. I don't know how it's going to feel to not have to be anywhere at 8 a.m. anymore. I hope it will feel nice and not just bizarre, which is how it seems right this second.

So I'm off to decide on my first official summertime activity...maybe I'll ride my bike to get some lunch or coffee while I read a book. Or maybe I'll take a nap, or work in the garden, or just lounge around at home, or call a friend...it seems that now, the possibilities are endless.

summertime

In keeping with my love of lists and my upcoming summer of part-time work, I've been thinking of some summer goals. Of course. I love lists of goals. So here they are (thanks, Kathleen, for reminding me of how fun it is to post these).

Start journaling
I used to journal daily and have completely stopped. I have a couple of little notebooks where I jot things down from time to time but I miss real, concentrated journaling. I'm very excited to start this habit again and think it will make me a better person and writer.

Bake bread
I've never baked a slow-rising bread that requires more than one punching-down, and I would like to try it this summer in the early morning hours (the only time it won't be too hot in my house to consider turning on the oven). Something about baking bread seems really soothing to me. We'll see. Maybe I'm romanticizing it.

Keep my garden alive
Every year I plant a garden--vegetables in the back, flowers in the front. Every year I forget to water the vegetables and everything dies except the tomatoes. This year, I want everything to LIVE. Garden, I love you and I want you to live! (Anybody know what that's from?) I'd like to keep the flowers alive too.

Do more yoga
I've started doing some yoga videos and I really like them. They're short and relaxing and encourage me to spend time on things like my desk-warped back and tight hip flexors that I'd normally ignore.

Submit some piece of writing for publication
What piece, you ask? I don't know. What publication, you ask? I don't know. But I'd like to submit something before summer is over. I've got one idea brewing...

Spend time with my middle school girls
There is a rapidly growing number of middle school girls in our youth group, and I want to spend more time with them over the summer. I'm thinking of coffee trips, dessert parties, Bible studies or book groups...who knows? But I'd like to get to know them better and to become more cohesive and supportive as a group.

Sleep
I choose a lot of things before I choose sleep, and maybe it means I get more done in a day but it also makes me grouchy and slug-like on some days (like right this very instant). Sleep is good. And important. I should act like it.

Turn our basement bedroom into my summertime office
I want to turn our guest room into my unofficial "office". There's already a desk there, but the whole room is massively disorganized and undecorated, and I would be way too distracted by its current state to get anything done. So, I'm hoping to spend some time buying paint and putting up shelves. Anybody want to help me? It could be fun....I'll give you some fresh-baked romanticized bread!

Bike more, and swim
I'm going to try to bike places as much as possible instead of driving. This will require a bicycle basket, because I'm not good at hanging onto things like grocery baskets or my purse while riding. I'm barely confident enough to let go with one hand to signal a left turn. I've been mentioning bike baskets to Brad almost constantly. I'd also like to swim this summer--it seems like such a good complement to running, and it's so freaking hot out that submerging my whole self in water is practically a necessity. (By the way--I just learned about two months ago that "compliment" and "complement" are two separate words with two separate meanings! Thanks a lot, English degree.)