i'm addicted to chocolate chips. i think i might be slowly evolving into what people so cleverly refer to as a chocoholic. i love chocolate. dark chocolate. chocolate chips poured into and then fished out of a mug so that they don't melt in the palm of my hand. they're delicious. the best thing is that the more i read about chocolate, dark chocolate, specifically, is the more i learn how good it is for you. so many antioxidants, so good for the heart, so much deliciousness. as runnersworld.com told me, chocolate is, in fact, a plant food. of course that means that you're supposed to consume it in as close to its natural state as possible, i.e. not much sugar, milk, caramel, etc. added. but that's fine with me. as long as it's semisweet. semifine semisweet chocolate.
so i've been thinking about something. i feel a little awkward about it. but i think i want to try to be a writer. i don't know what i want to write. magazine articles? childrens books? online articles? fiction? commentaries? blogs? there's a lot that i like and a lot that i'm not sure i'd be great at, but the fact is that i like to write quite a bit. i might even like writing as much as i like reading, which is a lot. also, i think i'm a pretty good writer. i'm probably not often going to showcase my best work HERE per se, and contrary to what i may lead you to believe, i do know how to capitalize in the right places...but overall, i can write well. so that is a very vague, very fuzzy announcement of what i would like to do. nothing concrete here thanks. but it's only recently that i've realized that maybe i shouldn't just say that in my ideal world where i'm living my dream life i'd be a writer and start trying to think of ways that i can be a writer in my actual life.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
semi-extraordinary circumstances
i am so tired. last night instead of going to bed right when we got home from a meeting, we watced the tivo'd grammys. (grammies? grammys. that's right.) i thought they were pretty good though. i was surprised by how much of the recording we actually wanted to watch. i thought the girl who won the contest to perform with justin timberlake did a really good job. she was oh so confident. and, i think that justin was nice to her - instead of dancing off all over the stage, he stayed right by her and the camera was therefore on her almost the whole time. it's everything i would want for my first appearance at the grammys. i'll be recreating that moment next year.
i missed my bus today. that's why i'm here blogging right now. i feel guilty when i get to work late, but i planned out part of my day and how i'm going to start work on some important projects while i was out walking emmy...so that counts as working, right? just as good as being there. better to be at home thinking about something productive than sitting at work with a blank mind wishing i were at home. right?
my uncle stopped by our house while we were at work last week and dropped off a late christmas present. it's a book called "girls". i skimmed the inside cover and learned it was about twins. i was pretty excited to read what the jacket said was a great book about twins. it turns out that the twins are conjoined twins. it might turn out to be a really, really great book, and i'm not saying that there should not be novels written about conjoined twins, but i feel like every newish book i read lately that is supposed to be about just plain life has to have some really unusual twist to it. they're all about ordinary people in semi-extraordinary circumstances. like this one i just read about twins (twins again - weird) who were separated at birth because one had downs syndrome and it was the 60s and her dad gave her away and she was raised by a nurse and how her family falls apart because of it. it was kind of a good book at times. but i feel like some of the books that get a lot of buzz lately have to have some sort of edgy concept. i would be interested in reading a book about regular, boring old twins. or families that aren't dysfunctional and people that don't do drugs or die. maybe that's why i decided to read the oh so wholesome and "regular" anne of the island this weekend. but i'm sure i'll end up reading "girls" too. i'll probably really like it and then maybe i'll regret everything i've said. i like getting books as gifts.
well, time to get ready to catch bus #2.
i missed my bus today. that's why i'm here blogging right now. i feel guilty when i get to work late, but i planned out part of my day and how i'm going to start work on some important projects while i was out walking emmy...so that counts as working, right? just as good as being there. better to be at home thinking about something productive than sitting at work with a blank mind wishing i were at home. right?
my uncle stopped by our house while we were at work last week and dropped off a late christmas present. it's a book called "girls". i skimmed the inside cover and learned it was about twins. i was pretty excited to read what the jacket said was a great book about twins. it turns out that the twins are conjoined twins. it might turn out to be a really, really great book, and i'm not saying that there should not be novels written about conjoined twins, but i feel like every newish book i read lately that is supposed to be about just plain life has to have some really unusual twist to it. they're all about ordinary people in semi-extraordinary circumstances. like this one i just read about twins (twins again - weird) who were separated at birth because one had downs syndrome and it was the 60s and her dad gave her away and she was raised by a nurse and how her family falls apart because of it. it was kind of a good book at times. but i feel like some of the books that get a lot of buzz lately have to have some sort of edgy concept. i would be interested in reading a book about regular, boring old twins. or families that aren't dysfunctional and people that don't do drugs or die. maybe that's why i decided to read the oh so wholesome and "regular" anne of the island this weekend. but i'm sure i'll end up reading "girls" too. i'll probably really like it and then maybe i'll regret everything i've said. i like getting books as gifts.
well, time to get ready to catch bus #2.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
you're perspiring!
so maybe right now i'm not lounging but instead filing papers in the office. it's probably because brad is working on replacing the disgusting toilet that was in our downstairs bathroom when we moved in and laying a new floor there. the solo lounging was making me feel a little bit guilty, so i moved on to filing.
yesterday i had something potentially super embarrassing happen. one of my coworkers (alicia) is in the hospital due to some issues with her pregnancy, so another coworker (shannon) and i went to visit her. we were in alicia's room, just talking and visiting. alicia's husband was there too. the room was really, really hot. and there was an IV in her arm, and the nurse came in and made some adjustments to it. as you may recall, i don't like needles, things that remain in the skin when they don't belong there, or the anticipation of pain. so the hot room, plus all of the medical happenings, resulted in me almost fainting twice. i used to faint fairly often. not OFTEN, but predictably, once a year or so. but i haven't fainted for i think four years. but we were in that super hot room, and i was standing up for a really long time, and then, like a huge, sensitive baby, i realized how hot i was, and that i was really, really dizzy, and i knew, OMG, i'm going to faint!
but i didn't really want to do it in front of people who a) i don't know especially well or who b) were experiencing and dealing with genuine medical problems. so i said, "i'm going to go make a phone call real quick!" and i raced out, dizzily, into the hall. no one was around. i went around the corner to sort of hide myself, and i collapsed on the ground. not a FAINTING collapse. but i knew i had to sit down and put my head down. so i did. but what i really wanted to do was lie down, so i sort of leaned over on my side. i really, really wanted to throw up, but i didn't know where to find a bathroom except in alicia's room, and i just felt like, NO, i will not faint and throw up in the room of someone who is hospitalized for genuine medical reasons. so i held it together. i was really, really sweaty. and i just lay there in the hallway for probably five or ten minutes. it was ridiculous. i don't know if it was being at the hospital or what that made me feel fainty. i didn't think i was quite that big of a baby, but maybe i am.
eventually i felt better. (i felt miserable for a long time - i think actually fainting and throwing up would have actually made me feel a lot better, but what can you do?) so i went back to alicia's room, where shannon announced, "you're perspiring!" awesome. but they just thought it was because the room was hot. i sat down right away and remainined there until i thought we were going to leave. but then, after i had gotten up and we were headed out the door, they just kept talking and talking for AGES. and then i realized, oh my gosh, too much standing, i'm going to faint again! somehow i made it out into the hallway, and shannon and i were walking along, me with my head spinning and feeling very pukey, when i told her, "um, i think i need to sit down. i'm not feeling too well." really, i don't know how i string normal sentences together when i'm about to faint, because my insides feel insane, but somehow i seem to do it. so i sat in the hallway again and put my head down again and felt like an idiot again. but shannon was very nice and got me a cup of water and then took me to arby's and bought me a sandwich. if she thought i was a freak and a baby, she didn't let on.
i have since become very concerned that when erin gives birth in june and we go to visit her in the hospital, i will faint. i also realized that i should not join the cast of lost or grey's anatomy because i could not handle the blood and general gruesomeness, fake or otherwise.
yesterday i had something potentially super embarrassing happen. one of my coworkers (alicia) is in the hospital due to some issues with her pregnancy, so another coworker (shannon) and i went to visit her. we were in alicia's room, just talking and visiting. alicia's husband was there too. the room was really, really hot. and there was an IV in her arm, and the nurse came in and made some adjustments to it. as you may recall, i don't like needles, things that remain in the skin when they don't belong there, or the anticipation of pain. so the hot room, plus all of the medical happenings, resulted in me almost fainting twice. i used to faint fairly often. not OFTEN, but predictably, once a year or so. but i haven't fainted for i think four years. but we were in that super hot room, and i was standing up for a really long time, and then, like a huge, sensitive baby, i realized how hot i was, and that i was really, really dizzy, and i knew, OMG, i'm going to faint!
but i didn't really want to do it in front of people who a) i don't know especially well or who b) were experiencing and dealing with genuine medical problems. so i said, "i'm going to go make a phone call real quick!" and i raced out, dizzily, into the hall. no one was around. i went around the corner to sort of hide myself, and i collapsed on the ground. not a FAINTING collapse. but i knew i had to sit down and put my head down. so i did. but what i really wanted to do was lie down, so i sort of leaned over on my side. i really, really wanted to throw up, but i didn't know where to find a bathroom except in alicia's room, and i just felt like, NO, i will not faint and throw up in the room of someone who is hospitalized for genuine medical reasons. so i held it together. i was really, really sweaty. and i just lay there in the hallway for probably five or ten minutes. it was ridiculous. i don't know if it was being at the hospital or what that made me feel fainty. i didn't think i was quite that big of a baby, but maybe i am.
eventually i felt better. (i felt miserable for a long time - i think actually fainting and throwing up would have actually made me feel a lot better, but what can you do?) so i went back to alicia's room, where shannon announced, "you're perspiring!" awesome. but they just thought it was because the room was hot. i sat down right away and remainined there until i thought we were going to leave. but then, after i had gotten up and we were headed out the door, they just kept talking and talking for AGES. and then i realized, oh my gosh, too much standing, i'm going to faint again! somehow i made it out into the hallway, and shannon and i were walking along, me with my head spinning and feeling very pukey, when i told her, "um, i think i need to sit down. i'm not feeling too well." really, i don't know how i string normal sentences together when i'm about to faint, because my insides feel insane, but somehow i seem to do it. so i sat in the hallway again and put my head down again and felt like an idiot again. but shannon was very nice and got me a cup of water and then took me to arby's and bought me a sandwich. if she thought i was a freak and a baby, she didn't let on.
i have since become very concerned that when erin gives birth in june and we go to visit her in the hospital, i will faint. i also realized that i should not join the cast of lost or grey's anatomy because i could not handle the blood and general gruesomeness, fake or otherwise.
lounging
when i make a goal for myself, i kind of like to decimate it. i like to beat the goal to a pulp just to prove i can. i don't think that's necessarily a good thing. but i've been really running a lot lately to try and meet my new year's goal of running 1000 miles in 2007. except that i realized that if i ran over 20 miles per week, i could decimate that goal, and i've been trying to. i knew my mileage was not so hot this week so today i went out and ran 11 miles. it was really kind of nice, because it was so much easier than it used to be when i'd run longer distances. i'm faster and stronger, which makes it much more enjoyable. plus, i loaded up my ipod with podcasts which made everything go much faster. i really like relevant magazine's weekly podcast. and i've been listening to the scrubs weekly podcast a lot lately too. that show is so funny.
what was not nice about running today, or doing anything outside lately, is that the world is a big pile of fog, mist, slush, and mud. when i got back from running, i was filthy. when i walked emmy today, she ended up with mud droplets over every inch of her lower self. gross. and it makes me feel gloomy, sometimes, and like my life is stuck in a rut. but what i think is actually stuck in a rut is THE WEATHER. so what it all comes down to is, i am so ready for spring. or at least daylight savings, which is coming way early this year! victory.
brad and i are supposed to go and eat a very delicious meal at the mustard seed tonight with friends like autumn and ross and christy, which i am very excited about. i love going out to eat. and here's how i plan on spending my saturday otherwise:
1. reading. i don't have anything super exciting and new to read right now, so i may be rereading "anne of the island". anne of green gables grows up and goes to college. then she marries gilbert blythe and gets married and he becomes a doctor and she raises six children in a very charming early twentieth century canadian community. but all of that takes course over eight books. today she'll just go to college.
2. lounging and semi-napping on the couch.
3. watching episodes from veronica mars, season one. the best season in my opinion. it's such a good show!
4. watching chocoholic weekend shows on the food network. i think i'm going to make molten chocolate cakes this week.
as you can see, i've got a very busy day ahead of me, so i have to get to it.
what was not nice about running today, or doing anything outside lately, is that the world is a big pile of fog, mist, slush, and mud. when i got back from running, i was filthy. when i walked emmy today, she ended up with mud droplets over every inch of her lower self. gross. and it makes me feel gloomy, sometimes, and like my life is stuck in a rut. but what i think is actually stuck in a rut is THE WEATHER. so what it all comes down to is, i am so ready for spring. or at least daylight savings, which is coming way early this year! victory.
brad and i are supposed to go and eat a very delicious meal at the mustard seed tonight with friends like autumn and ross and christy, which i am very excited about. i love going out to eat. and here's how i plan on spending my saturday otherwise:
1. reading. i don't have anything super exciting and new to read right now, so i may be rereading "anne of the island". anne of green gables grows up and goes to college. then she marries gilbert blythe and gets married and he becomes a doctor and she raises six children in a very charming early twentieth century canadian community. but all of that takes course over eight books. today she'll just go to college.
2. lounging and semi-napping on the couch.
3. watching episodes from veronica mars, season one. the best season in my opinion. it's such a good show!
4. watching chocoholic weekend shows on the food network. i think i'm going to make molten chocolate cakes this week.
as you can see, i've got a very busy day ahead of me, so i have to get to it.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
the anticipation
my crane wife, my crane wife.....
i'm listening to the crane wife 1 & 2 by the decemberists right now. it totally changed my mood about what i wanted to write about today. earlier i thought i wanted to blog about various things, and now i just want to sit still and listen. but i think i'm getting in the swing of things now. just had to build up a little momentum.
i'm afraid of pain. i was thinking about this tonight while i was walking emmy. she's still a puppy (barely! can you believe she's almost a year old???) and learning to be a good walker, so she gets treats when she's in the right place (next to me on my right side). she loves treats. sometimes she bites my fingers, accidentally i think, and it really hurts. on more than one occasion i've come home and found out that my thumb was actually bleeding. there are a couple of tiny blood spots on my super cute green down coat from costco (yes, it is a little girls coat, thank you). so that really hurts. i think i deal with pain pretty well when it's actually happening. but the thought of pain, the anticipation, really freaks me out. i hate getting shots. i've never given blood. i'm such a wuss. i should go get a physical before i go to build houses in tijuana this year, because i haven't had a tetanus shot in ages and i think my hepatits is way out of date too. who even knows what shots i'm supposed to have anymore. but i'm scared! i wish someone could just surprise me with a shot when i'm not looking. giving blood is a whole other story - things piercing my skin and remaining there for MINUTES on end really creep me out. so gross. so disturbing. the thought of an IV makes me cringe.
we're having a blood drive at work tomorrow but i'm not participating. are you shocked? i should make an effort to get over it, but for now i'm just going to be a baby.
i'm listening to the crane wife 1 & 2 by the decemberists right now. it totally changed my mood about what i wanted to write about today. earlier i thought i wanted to blog about various things, and now i just want to sit still and listen. but i think i'm getting in the swing of things now. just had to build up a little momentum.
i'm afraid of pain. i was thinking about this tonight while i was walking emmy. she's still a puppy (barely! can you believe she's almost a year old???) and learning to be a good walker, so she gets treats when she's in the right place (next to me on my right side). she loves treats. sometimes she bites my fingers, accidentally i think, and it really hurts. on more than one occasion i've come home and found out that my thumb was actually bleeding. there are a couple of tiny blood spots on my super cute green down coat from costco (yes, it is a little girls coat, thank you). so that really hurts. i think i deal with pain pretty well when it's actually happening. but the thought of pain, the anticipation, really freaks me out. i hate getting shots. i've never given blood. i'm such a wuss. i should go get a physical before i go to build houses in tijuana this year, because i haven't had a tetanus shot in ages and i think my hepatits is way out of date too. who even knows what shots i'm supposed to have anymore. but i'm scared! i wish someone could just surprise me with a shot when i'm not looking. giving blood is a whole other story - things piercing my skin and remaining there for MINUTES on end really creep me out. so gross. so disturbing. the thought of an IV makes me cringe.
we're having a blood drive at work tomorrow but i'm not participating. are you shocked? i should make an effort to get over it, but for now i'm just going to be a baby.
Friday, January 19, 2007
very exciting present
hello! thanks for the replies to previous blogs, everyone, specifially the last one. i would like to have learned another language as well. any language at all. if they don't start doing a better job of teaching kids languages when they're young, i hope that somehow i might be able to give my children some bilingual friends to learn from. that would be nice.
i got a very exciting present for christmas. it's the nike+ipod thing. apparently i don't know the official name. or maybe that's it. but it's a little device that you plug into your ipod, and a sensor that goes in your shoe, that uses a combination of, i believe, a pedometer and GPS to track your mileage. it will also tell you your speed, how many calories you've burned, etc. brad got it for me and it think it's very exciting. but i've used it a few times and the distances have been way off, which is so aggravating. the other day i ran 8 miles and my ipod said i ran 6.5. lie! and it happened a couple of times after that. i think that the sensor might not be attached tightly enough to my shoe. i hope i can get it to work right, or at least, get it to work so that if it can't be accurate, it can at least skew things in my favor. if it had said i ran 9 miles, i probably would have found it flattering.
i am really really into running right now. if you had told me in junior high or high school that i would someday be running as much as i am, i would have been awed and amazed. there was not much that made me feel worse about myself than running. i got the reddest face, had the slowest times, and felt like i might die every time i went. but as it turns out, i think that was mostly due to me being in terrible physical shape. i still get the red face, but it feels good, i'm much more energetic, i feel more confident, and i sleep a lot better. i'm not even exaggerating those claims for stereotypicalness' sake. it's just true. it turns out that i love exercise. who knew??
i got a very exciting present for christmas. it's the nike+ipod thing. apparently i don't know the official name. or maybe that's it. but it's a little device that you plug into your ipod, and a sensor that goes in your shoe, that uses a combination of, i believe, a pedometer and GPS to track your mileage. it will also tell you your speed, how many calories you've burned, etc. brad got it for me and it think it's very exciting. but i've used it a few times and the distances have been way off, which is so aggravating. the other day i ran 8 miles and my ipod said i ran 6.5. lie! and it happened a couple of times after that. i think that the sensor might not be attached tightly enough to my shoe. i hope i can get it to work right, or at least, get it to work so that if it can't be accurate, it can at least skew things in my favor. if it had said i ran 9 miles, i probably would have found it flattering.
i am really really into running right now. if you had told me in junior high or high school that i would someday be running as much as i am, i would have been awed and amazed. there was not much that made me feel worse about myself than running. i got the reddest face, had the slowest times, and felt like i might die every time i went. but as it turns out, i think that was mostly due to me being in terrible physical shape. i still get the red face, but it feels good, i'm much more energetic, i feel more confident, and i sleep a lot better. i'm not even exaggerating those claims for stereotypicalness' sake. it's just true. it turns out that i love exercise. who knew??
Saturday, January 13, 2007
second-rate billing
so here's a question: why does my head hurt so much right now?? it's really annoying. i decided that i'm going to clean out our whole house, room by room, one room per weekend. i wanted to work on the office today. but my head is so irritating that i'm just going to do a little hint of blogging for now. it's a three day weekend anyway, so what's the rush? and, no one is actually requiring me to do this project. i just really like to be organized. i'm not actually that organized of a person, which is probably why i admire organization so much. i want my life to be like a real simple magazine, where everything looks good, is in a the right place, and gets the job done. actually, that's not what i want my life to be like. that sounds too regulated and simplified for any kind of real life. real life requires a good amount of chaos to be worth anything, i think. but that is what i want my house to be like. someday, maybe...probably not though. unless i get rich and hire a housekeeper.
here's a question for the day. this will prove once and for all that no one really reads my blog, which is fine. but the question is, if you could go back to childhood and learn one thing that you don't know how to do now, what would it be? for me, it would be playing a string instrument. specifically the violin, or cello. or the viola, although i have a limited knowledge of violas except that i think they get sort of second-rate billing in orchestras and stuff. is that even true? if you could learn something new and have developed it as a child, what would you choose, and why?
here's a question for the day. this will prove once and for all that no one really reads my blog, which is fine. but the question is, if you could go back to childhood and learn one thing that you don't know how to do now, what would it be? for me, it would be playing a string instrument. specifically the violin, or cello. or the viola, although i have a limited knowledge of violas except that i think they get sort of second-rate billing in orchestras and stuff. is that even true? if you could learn something new and have developed it as a child, what would you choose, and why?
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
TOTAL, UTTER, SHAMEFUL FAILURE!
i found my new year's resolution list from last year. contrary to what the length of the list might indicate, i'm not even someone who really, really believes in the new year as a great time for new beginnings or anything like that. mostly i think i just like lists. and goals. last year was kind of a mixed bag of failures, successes, and things i completely forgot about. read and learn!
cook one new recipe a week
SUCCESS! i don't think i technically cooked one new recipe every single week, but i definitely made two or even three new things some weeks, and rarely didn't make anything new. so, when averaged out, i am victorious.
eat more slowly
FAILURE! after the first week of january, i don't think i ever thought about this brilliant idea again.
do some sort of flexibility training weekly
FAILURE! i get a lot of aerobic exercise, and i do some strength training, but i am pretty lazy about stretching, and i sit for extended periods every day at my computer and might be on my way to hunchbackland. i took a six week yoga class last january and february and that was a SUCCESS, but after that, FAILURE prevailed.
complain less
FAILURE! this is something i really should have worked on, but i forgot.
buy a house
SUCCESS! put that in your pipe and smoke it!
get a dog
SUCCESS! we got my favorite dog of all time, emmy. or mrs. emmy, as she prefers to be called.
give money regularly
SEMI SUCCESS! we've finally started to consistently (monthly) give money to a few things we really care about, such as duncan, our kenyan compassion child, blood:water mission, and the inn. i'm adding the 'semi' because we got a lot better at this later in the year, and there's always more to do. but i feel glad about what we're doing so far.
learn to drive a stick
UTTER FAILURE! i really really really need to learn how to do this, because brad's car is a stick and it's ridiculous that i can't drive it. and how are we ever going to win the amazing race if i don't learn? this must be added to my list for 2007.
find a way to love my work
SEMI SUCCESS! "love" might be too strong a word for my current work situation, but i am pleased to announce that it is approximately 574398574839578439 times better than my last one.
run a marathon
FAILURE! but i didn't really mean it when i said i wanted to do that last year. i want to in life. but i know that i want to have a running partner before i commit to a marathon, and until that happens, i'm not really set on this goal. i really shouldn't have put it on last year's list. i won't be fooled again in 2007.
do some house chore every day
SUCCESS! little did i know that only in our apartment did i have the luxury of not feeling obligated to do housework on a daily basis. a grown up homeowner like myself had no chance to fail at this resolution. especially one with a constantly shedding dog and a dark red area rug.
publish two issues of Awesome Times
TOTAL, UTTER, SHAMEFUL FAILURE! i wish i had honestly tried to do this, but i didn't at all. but with my current knowledge of microsoft office and other helpful software, should the newsletter ever have articles submitted again, i think i could publish them much more efficiently. if any of you Awesome Times writers are reading this now, i am accepting articles.
to sum up...
4 SUCCESS!
4 FAILURE!
1 UTTER FAILURE!
1 TOTAL, UTTER, SHAMEFUL FAILURE!
2 SEMI SUCCESS!
not so bad overall, for someone who knows they got a little carried away in their list-making. with six on the success side and six on the failure side, i'd say 2006 was a total wash. a moot point. actually, i think i did a good job. huzzah again.
cook one new recipe a week
SUCCESS! i don't think i technically cooked one new recipe every single week, but i definitely made two or even three new things some weeks, and rarely didn't make anything new. so, when averaged out, i am victorious.
eat more slowly
FAILURE! after the first week of january, i don't think i ever thought about this brilliant idea again.
do some sort of flexibility training weekly
FAILURE! i get a lot of aerobic exercise, and i do some strength training, but i am pretty lazy about stretching, and i sit for extended periods every day at my computer and might be on my way to hunchbackland. i took a six week yoga class last january and february and that was a SUCCESS, but after that, FAILURE prevailed.
complain less
FAILURE! this is something i really should have worked on, but i forgot.
buy a house
SUCCESS! put that in your pipe and smoke it!
get a dog
SUCCESS! we got my favorite dog of all time, emmy. or mrs. emmy, as she prefers to be called.
give money regularly
SEMI SUCCESS! we've finally started to consistently (monthly) give money to a few things we really care about, such as duncan, our kenyan compassion child, blood:water mission, and the inn. i'm adding the 'semi' because we got a lot better at this later in the year, and there's always more to do. but i feel glad about what we're doing so far.
learn to drive a stick
UTTER FAILURE! i really really really need to learn how to do this, because brad's car is a stick and it's ridiculous that i can't drive it. and how are we ever going to win the amazing race if i don't learn? this must be added to my list for 2007.
find a way to love my work
SEMI SUCCESS! "love" might be too strong a word for my current work situation, but i am pleased to announce that it is approximately 574398574839578439 times better than my last one.
run a marathon
FAILURE! but i didn't really mean it when i said i wanted to do that last year. i want to in life. but i know that i want to have a running partner before i commit to a marathon, and until that happens, i'm not really set on this goal. i really shouldn't have put it on last year's list. i won't be fooled again in 2007.
do some house chore every day
SUCCESS! little did i know that only in our apartment did i have the luxury of not feeling obligated to do housework on a daily basis. a grown up homeowner like myself had no chance to fail at this resolution. especially one with a constantly shedding dog and a dark red area rug.
publish two issues of Awesome Times
TOTAL, UTTER, SHAMEFUL FAILURE! i wish i had honestly tried to do this, but i didn't at all. but with my current knowledge of microsoft office and other helpful software, should the newsletter ever have articles submitted again, i think i could publish them much more efficiently. if any of you Awesome Times writers are reading this now, i am accepting articles.
to sum up...
4 SUCCESS!
4 FAILURE!
1 UTTER FAILURE!
1 TOTAL, UTTER, SHAMEFUL FAILURE!
2 SEMI SUCCESS!
not so bad overall, for someone who knows they got a little carried away in their list-making. with six on the success side and six on the failure side, i'd say 2006 was a total wash. a moot point. actually, i think i did a good job. huzzah again.
Monday, January 01, 2007
so this is the new year
i'm kind of into making lists. and what better time to make one than on the first day of the new year? here we are at 2007 - just three years short of what danyeal and i refer to as the space age. (2010 - doesn't that have a space-agey ring to it??) so here are a few resolutions that i would like to go for this year....
run 1000 miles
(i was close this year, at 900, but i never took the time to calculate my mileage until about a week ago. this year i'm making a goal.)
start wearing face lotion that contains sunscreen
(so that i will not be wrinkly or cancerous later in life - you're supposed to wear sunscreen every day, or so i read...and what better time to start than good old 2007?)
pray more
(that is purposefully worded in a vague, immeasurable way, because i don't really want to quantify prayers i guess. i just want to pray more than i do now, because i know it's not enough for me.)
worry less
(worrying is something i do way too much of. i worry about brad, my dog, if we're saving enough money, if we're giving enough money away, what would happen in a disaster, my relationship with my mom, what i'm going to do with my life...etc. it's not really helping me out much. i hope that the "pray more" initiative will help with "worry less". we'll see.)
keep in better touch with friends
(i've gotten pretty bad about this. i've been very lazy about emailing, writing, calling, and all of that. and my friends are very important to me. i should act like it.)
i made a list last year too. i'll have to find it and do a "2006 in review" to celebrate my successes and weep over my failures. huzzah!
run 1000 miles
(i was close this year, at 900, but i never took the time to calculate my mileage until about a week ago. this year i'm making a goal.)
start wearing face lotion that contains sunscreen
(so that i will not be wrinkly or cancerous later in life - you're supposed to wear sunscreen every day, or so i read...and what better time to start than good old 2007?)
pray more
(that is purposefully worded in a vague, immeasurable way, because i don't really want to quantify prayers i guess. i just want to pray more than i do now, because i know it's not enough for me.)
worry less
(worrying is something i do way too much of. i worry about brad, my dog, if we're saving enough money, if we're giving enough money away, what would happen in a disaster, my relationship with my mom, what i'm going to do with my life...etc. it's not really helping me out much. i hope that the "pray more" initiative will help with "worry less". we'll see.)
keep in better touch with friends
(i've gotten pretty bad about this. i've been very lazy about emailing, writing, calling, and all of that. and my friends are very important to me. i should act like it.)
i made a list last year too. i'll have to find it and do a "2006 in review" to celebrate my successes and weep over my failures. huzzah!
Saturday, December 23, 2006
u.s. history with mr. juzeler
as autumn pointed out, i can't read surveys and i answered my favorite junior high class instead of high school. but for high school i'd have to say it's kind of a tough call. my favorites overall were:
-honors english, all three years
-physics
-advanced physics
-algebra II trig and math analysis (is that what it was called?)
-PE with autumn, danyeal, and andy bean
-yearbook
-senior issues
if i had to narrow it down to the overall, absolute BEST classes, i'd say honors engligh with mr. hansen and physics with mr. williamson. (i don't know if i mean regular physics or advanced. good question.) that english class has probably had more of an impact on the rest of my life than any of the other classes, and it was so fun. but i loved physics too. and i feel like i have to give credit to uncle ernie strobe.
-honors english, all three years
-physics
-advanced physics
-algebra II trig and math analysis (is that what it was called?)
-PE with autumn, danyeal, and andy bean
-yearbook
-senior issues
if i had to narrow it down to the overall, absolute BEST classes, i'd say honors engligh with mr. hansen and physics with mr. williamson. (i don't know if i mean regular physics or advanced. good question.) that english class has probably had more of an impact on the rest of my life than any of the other classes, and it was so fun. but i loved physics too. and i feel like i have to give credit to uncle ernie strobe.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
99 problems
01. Best way to get over someone?
pray that you won't see them. but then you will have a class together and you'll end up getting married. that's the way it always seems to happen.
02. Current crush?
my dog
03. Is your AIM away message on?
um excuse me...that is so 1999
04. If you could eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
meals...meals...probably salad, spaghetti, and ice cream. a multiple-course meal.
05. What curse word do you use the most?
although i do sometimes curse, mostly very quietly to myself, out loud i say "pisser" a lot lately. and "pisshead".
06. Do you own an ipod?
yes. if it broke i don't know what i would do.
07. Who on your Myspace " top 8 " do you talk to the most?
brad
08. What time is your alarm clock set for?
6 am
09. Have you ever bid for something on eBay?
yes. and won.
10. Do you wear flip-flops even when its cold outside?
no. although i hate wearing socks. but sometimes they're necessary.
11. Where do you buy your groceries from?
albertsons. it's .2 seconds from my house.
12. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
be in the picture. it's because i'm so good looking.
13. What was the last movie you watched?
the first half of nacho libre.
14. Do any of your friends have children?
a few.
15. If you won the lottery, whats the first thing you would buy?
a house with a huge modern kitchen.
16. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
not that i recall.
17. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster?:
no, although sometimes i enjoy taking nyquill because of that side benefit.
18. What CD is currently in your CD player?:
who uses a cd player anymore? oh wait, i do, in my car. but it's empty! i mostly listen to spokane's river 99.9. and christmas music with some tips to add intelligence to my life from john tesh.
19. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
vanilla soy milk
20. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
no?
21. When was the last time someone hit you?
if it was in any sort of mean-spirited way, it was probably my brother about 15 years ago
22. What did you have for dinner?
lemon pancetta chicken with zucchini and potatoes
23. What is your biggest fear?
maybe being alone in the universe. being lost in space sounds terrifying.
24. What color is your car?
black
25. Can you whistle?
in a very wussy, one-octave-only kind of way
26. What is your favorite Christmas/winter movie?
little women. it's not a christmas movie, but it feels like one. i watch it every fall/winter.
27. Do you make your own jewelry?
only if i have some fimo clay handy
28. Have you ever participated in a protest?
not recently. i would though.
29. Who was the last person to call you?
oh.........my mom.........
30. What is your favorite ride at an amusement park?
the tower of terror
31.What is something you must do everyday?
get excercise. if i don't i feel crazy.
32. Have you ever dated one of your best friends?
well - brad is my best friend now. but we kind of became best friends while we were dating. so, no.
33. What area code are you in right now?
509
34. Did you watch cartoons as a child?
smurfs please.
35. How big is your local mall?
um...medium. medium sized and high class.
36. What is your job title?
IT application systems analyst, soon to be IT implementation coordinator
37. What do you miss most?
christmas break
38. Would you ever sky dive?
only if i were strapped to someone's back. maybe that's my biggest fear - falling out of an airplane? but let's say i was on the amazing race - i'd have to do it then. short answer: yes, in extreme circumstances only.
39. What are you allergic to?
i think maybe cats. which is ironic since my self-imposed childhood nickname was cat-lover.
43. What movie do you know every line to?
billy madison, waiting for guffman, home alone, the sound of music, the parent trap
44. Do you own any band t-shirts?
not that i can think of. that surprises me.
41. Have you ever had Jamba Juice?
you bet i have. cranberry craze is my favorite.
42. When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt?
oh gosh - when i had two glasses of wine on sunday night, then spelled the word "granola" wrong on my grocery list. i spelled it "gronalo". i literally fell out of my chair. i'm a mega ultra lightweight.
45. What is your favorite candle scent?
i like a nice pine scent in the winter.
46. How many aunts and uncles do you have?
if we're talking flesh and blood related, i'll say four
48. Do you crack your knuckles?
only by accident
49. How many chairs are at your dining room table?
four - it's a table for babies. i mean a table for ants. i think i know every word to zoolander!
50. What is your favorite salad dressing?
champagne dressing. light.
51. Do you read for fun?
i don't feel like a whole person unless i'm in the middle of reading something
52. Can you speak any languages other than English?
a limited amount of french
54. Do you do your own dishes?
mostly brad does them, because the only meal i really eat at home is dinner. i cook, he does the dishes.
55. What color is your bedroom painted?
pale blue
56. Are your parents divorced?
no
57. Have you ever cried in public?
not really. i have a little, but i try to keep more than 1 or so people from knowing about it.
59. Which do you make: wishes or plans?
plans
60. Are you always trying to learn new things?
i feel like i have no choice
61. What messenger programs do you have?
please. remember what i said about 1999? if i were still in college i would though.
63. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
nope
64. Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date?
yes. unless the girl asked.
65. Can you skip rocks?
that's not something i really focus on.
67. Have you ever been to Jamaica?
no
68. What do you like to snack on at the movie theatres?
diet pepsi
69. Who is your favorite teacher?:
mr. hansen
70. Have you ever dated someone out of your race?
no
71. What is the weather like?
dark. cold. almost snowing - maybe tomorrow i hope.
72. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
i would, but i can't really imagine what the circumstances would be. let's keep an open mind though, shall we?
73. Do you have an online journal?
i call it a blog
74. Have a broken heart?
only from a crush - but yes, if that counts. i've had some serious crushes.
75. What was your favorite class in high school?
junior high school...maybe geometry? or ninth grade science.
76. Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back?
mostly back.
78. Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?
i think so - there's more to life than just looks you know.
79. When was the last time you slept on the floor?
on the floor...last christmas eve i think.
80. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
wine...and some lady drinks: lemon drops, cosmos, straight up sugar, etc.
81. If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name have been?
steven
82. Do you like your living arrangement?
yes. except i have these two awful roommates. just kidding! i love my house, husband, and dog. except for the kitchen. it's for babies.
84. What is your mother and father's hometowns?
mom-seattle. dad-tacoma.
85. Did you ever go to the same school as your parents?
western washington university
86. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
probably 6.5 to 7. 7 or more ideally.
87. How much is gas where you live right now?
$2.59
88. What was the last thing to scare you?
hmm...sometimes i think about what it would be like if brad died. that freaks me out.
89. Do you own a Playstation?
no. but i'm pleased to announce that we have both an xbox and a gamecube.
90. How many times have you brushed your teeth today?
twice
92. What album did you buy last?
we're waiting for the new sufjan christmas cd to finally be in stock at hastings...
93. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
lots...thirty something?
94. Are your days full and fast-paced?
very full. too full sometimes. fast-paced too.
95. Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class?
on occasion
96. Is there carpet, wood or tile in the room you're currently in?
wood
97. Were you a "planned" child?
i think so
98. Are you a good dancer?
i'm a fun dancer, when the mood strikes. good really isn't the word to describe it.
99. Are you a nice person?
overall.
pray that you won't see them. but then you will have a class together and you'll end up getting married. that's the way it always seems to happen.
02. Current crush?
my dog
03. Is your AIM away message on?
um excuse me...that is so 1999
04. If you could eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
meals...meals...probably salad, spaghetti, and ice cream. a multiple-course meal.
05. What curse word do you use the most?
although i do sometimes curse, mostly very quietly to myself, out loud i say "pisser" a lot lately. and "pisshead".
06. Do you own an ipod?
yes. if it broke i don't know what i would do.
07. Who on your Myspace " top 8 " do you talk to the most?
brad
08. What time is your alarm clock set for?
6 am
09. Have you ever bid for something on eBay?
yes. and won.
10. Do you wear flip-flops even when its cold outside?
no. although i hate wearing socks. but sometimes they're necessary.
11. Where do you buy your groceries from?
albertsons. it's .2 seconds from my house.
12. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
be in the picture. it's because i'm so good looking.
13. What was the last movie you watched?
the first half of nacho libre.
14. Do any of your friends have children?
a few.
15. If you won the lottery, whats the first thing you would buy?
a house with a huge modern kitchen.
16. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
not that i recall.
17. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster?:
no, although sometimes i enjoy taking nyquill because of that side benefit.
18. What CD is currently in your CD player?:
who uses a cd player anymore? oh wait, i do, in my car. but it's empty! i mostly listen to spokane's river 99.9. and christmas music with some tips to add intelligence to my life from john tesh.
19. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
vanilla soy milk
20. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
no?
21. When was the last time someone hit you?
if it was in any sort of mean-spirited way, it was probably my brother about 15 years ago
22. What did you have for dinner?
lemon pancetta chicken with zucchini and potatoes
23. What is your biggest fear?
maybe being alone in the universe. being lost in space sounds terrifying.
24. What color is your car?
black
25. Can you whistle?
in a very wussy, one-octave-only kind of way
26. What is your favorite Christmas/winter movie?
little women. it's not a christmas movie, but it feels like one. i watch it every fall/winter.
27. Do you make your own jewelry?
only if i have some fimo clay handy
28. Have you ever participated in a protest?
not recently. i would though.
29. Who was the last person to call you?
oh.........my mom.........
30. What is your favorite ride at an amusement park?
the tower of terror
31.What is something you must do everyday?
get excercise. if i don't i feel crazy.
32. Have you ever dated one of your best friends?
well - brad is my best friend now. but we kind of became best friends while we were dating. so, no.
33. What area code are you in right now?
509
34. Did you watch cartoons as a child?
smurfs please.
35. How big is your local mall?
um...medium. medium sized and high class.
36. What is your job title?
IT application systems analyst, soon to be IT implementation coordinator
37. What do you miss most?
christmas break
38. Would you ever sky dive?
only if i were strapped to someone's back. maybe that's my biggest fear - falling out of an airplane? but let's say i was on the amazing race - i'd have to do it then. short answer: yes, in extreme circumstances only.
39. What are you allergic to?
i think maybe cats. which is ironic since my self-imposed childhood nickname was cat-lover.
43. What movie do you know every line to?
billy madison, waiting for guffman, home alone, the sound of music, the parent trap
44. Do you own any band t-shirts?
not that i can think of. that surprises me.
41. Have you ever had Jamba Juice?
you bet i have. cranberry craze is my favorite.
42. When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt?
oh gosh - when i had two glasses of wine on sunday night, then spelled the word "granola" wrong on my grocery list. i spelled it "gronalo". i literally fell out of my chair. i'm a mega ultra lightweight.
45. What is your favorite candle scent?
i like a nice pine scent in the winter.
46. How many aunts and uncles do you have?
if we're talking flesh and blood related, i'll say four
48. Do you crack your knuckles?
only by accident
49. How many chairs are at your dining room table?
four - it's a table for babies. i mean a table for ants. i think i know every word to zoolander!
50. What is your favorite salad dressing?
champagne dressing. light.
51. Do you read for fun?
i don't feel like a whole person unless i'm in the middle of reading something
52. Can you speak any languages other than English?
a limited amount of french
54. Do you do your own dishes?
mostly brad does them, because the only meal i really eat at home is dinner. i cook, he does the dishes.
55. What color is your bedroom painted?
pale blue
56. Are your parents divorced?
no
57. Have you ever cried in public?
not really. i have a little, but i try to keep more than 1 or so people from knowing about it.
59. Which do you make: wishes or plans?
plans
60. Are you always trying to learn new things?
i feel like i have no choice
61. What messenger programs do you have?
please. remember what i said about 1999? if i were still in college i would though.
63. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
nope
64. Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date?
yes. unless the girl asked.
65. Can you skip rocks?
that's not something i really focus on.
67. Have you ever been to Jamaica?
no
68. What do you like to snack on at the movie theatres?
diet pepsi
69. Who is your favorite teacher?:
mr. hansen
70. Have you ever dated someone out of your race?
no
71. What is the weather like?
dark. cold. almost snowing - maybe tomorrow i hope.
72. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
i would, but i can't really imagine what the circumstances would be. let's keep an open mind though, shall we?
73. Do you have an online journal?
i call it a blog
74. Have a broken heart?
only from a crush - but yes, if that counts. i've had some serious crushes.
75. What was your favorite class in high school?
junior high school...maybe geometry? or ninth grade science.
76. Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back?
mostly back.
78. Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?
i think so - there's more to life than just looks you know.
79. When was the last time you slept on the floor?
on the floor...last christmas eve i think.
80. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
wine...and some lady drinks: lemon drops, cosmos, straight up sugar, etc.
81. If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name have been?
steven
82. Do you like your living arrangement?
yes. except i have these two awful roommates. just kidding! i love my house, husband, and dog. except for the kitchen. it's for babies.
84. What is your mother and father's hometowns?
mom-seattle. dad-tacoma.
85. Did you ever go to the same school as your parents?
western washington university
86. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
probably 6.5 to 7. 7 or more ideally.
87. How much is gas where you live right now?
$2.59
88. What was the last thing to scare you?
hmm...sometimes i think about what it would be like if brad died. that freaks me out.
89. Do you own a Playstation?
no. but i'm pleased to announce that we have both an xbox and a gamecube.
90. How many times have you brushed your teeth today?
twice
92. What album did you buy last?
we're waiting for the new sufjan christmas cd to finally be in stock at hastings...
93. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
lots...thirty something?
94. Are your days full and fast-paced?
very full. too full sometimes. fast-paced too.
95. Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class?
on occasion
96. Is there carpet, wood or tile in the room you're currently in?
wood
97. Were you a "planned" child?
i think so
98. Are you a good dancer?
i'm a fun dancer, when the mood strikes. good really isn't the word to describe it.
99. Are you a nice person?
overall.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
i swam in lake padden once
note about previous blog:
when i am being practical, i have no desire whatsoever to swim in bellingham bay. gross me out.
when i am being practical, i have no desire whatsoever to swim in bellingham bay. gross me out.
don't stop, don't break, you can delight because you have a place
last tuesday i think
so i'm sitting here listening to "majesty snowbird" on repeat. it makes me feel like i have to do something besides work. i have to fake play piano on my desk and write my blog on lined paper. something about other people's creations, when they're ones i love, makes me feel like i have to create too - it resonates. i think it's why people paint landscapes and write odes - true beauty and goodness, i think, inspire action - a response. it says in the bible, "he who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't, sins" - i think that relates to our creative response to God. it's a sin not to create when inspired because to do so connects you with God, the head of all creation, and not creating separates you from him, taking away your ability to process and even to connect with others. i don't think i'm a great writer or musician, but taking the time to write and play makes me feel whole.
for me, music and books create a longing for something more than what i experience now - heightened beauty, hope, awareness, whatever. i feel a sense of something more significant to life than what i realize normally. cs lewis says that our unfulfilled desires only exist because there is a possibility for those desires to be filled, someday, someplace. music reminds me of that - it makes me aware of the longing, and gives me a glimpse at what the fulfillment will be like.
when i lived in bellingham, i spent many early summer mornings driving to work past boulevard park and then on to chuckanut. sometimes the days were so pretty that i felt compelled to swim in bellingham bay. sometimes i felt like i couldn't turn off chuckanut, the day was so great that i should just drive until i was satisfied with trees and light and water. but there was never time - i was supposed to be somewhere else. one day i realized: i will swim in bellingham bay, and drive down chuckanut, as much as i want, for eternity, if that's what it takes, in heaven. there will be time to fully experience everything i've longed for here. the need to put off the things that my heart asks for will be gone.
so i'm sitting here listening to "majesty snowbird" on repeat. it makes me feel like i have to do something besides work. i have to fake play piano on my desk and write my blog on lined paper. something about other people's creations, when they're ones i love, makes me feel like i have to create too - it resonates. i think it's why people paint landscapes and write odes - true beauty and goodness, i think, inspire action - a response. it says in the bible, "he who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't, sins" - i think that relates to our creative response to God. it's a sin not to create when inspired because to do so connects you with God, the head of all creation, and not creating separates you from him, taking away your ability to process and even to connect with others. i don't think i'm a great writer or musician, but taking the time to write and play makes me feel whole.
for me, music and books create a longing for something more than what i experience now - heightened beauty, hope, awareness, whatever. i feel a sense of something more significant to life than what i realize normally. cs lewis says that our unfulfilled desires only exist because there is a possibility for those desires to be filled, someday, someplace. music reminds me of that - it makes me aware of the longing, and gives me a glimpse at what the fulfillment will be like.
when i lived in bellingham, i spent many early summer mornings driving to work past boulevard park and then on to chuckanut. sometimes the days were so pretty that i felt compelled to swim in bellingham bay. sometimes i felt like i couldn't turn off chuckanut, the day was so great that i should just drive until i was satisfied with trees and light and water. but there was never time - i was supposed to be somewhere else. one day i realized: i will swim in bellingham bay, and drive down chuckanut, as much as i want, for eternity, if that's what it takes, in heaven. there will be time to fully experience everything i've longed for here. the need to put off the things that my heart asks for will be gone.
Monday, November 20, 2006
listening
today i had a little panic attack because i thought i had forgotten how to read music. i haven't REALLY read music in years - most of what i do these days is nothing, and if i play the piano at all it's usually improvising, playing worship songs with chord sheets, or trying to remember how to play 'tarantella' at breakneck speeds. that middle part is tough to remember. but to think that i had forgotten something that was once such a vital part of me freaked me out a bit...so on my work papers, on top of all of my notes about the documentation i need to write and the usability tests i'm going to go over with my boss tomorrow, i started scribbling treble clefs and bass clefs and trying to remember "every good boy does fine" and all of that critical information. i think i remembered it accurately. but i really should get a piano, or just play one. i miss music. or being a part of making it. i'm jealous of guitar players who can just take it on the road, borrow someone's, grab it around a campfire or at a music store or a friend's house. but i guess it's better the piano than the alto sax or something. you don't find a lot of those lying (laying?) around.
we went on a retreat this weekend with all of our high school students. not all. 70 ish. it was really good. i didn't want to go at all. nothing seemed more tiring, and almost none of the girls in my small group were going...but i went anyway, pretty much because i didn't have any real reason not to except that i wanted to be lazy. so i went anyway, and it was good. i'm exhausted today of course, and i think it made me get a cold, which i hate. but i love talking to kids. i love meeting with the girls in my cabin and asking them questions and just listening. i can't believe the horrible things that happen in these kids' families. parents say awful, awful things to their children. i know i'm not getting the whole story, since i usually don't get to hear the parent's end of it, but telling your daughter that she's fat, or lazy, or stupid, or that she's never going to get married, or that you don't like her, or that she should try not eating for a while, is a lasting, devestating, destructive comment, regardless of context. it's really clear to me that parents are broken people too. talking to these girls makes me realize that there are a lot of broken people in the world, that very few parents have answers and know how to avoid doing damage in their relationships. people are hurt, and they don't know how to deal with it. it's hard to listen to. i had seven one-on-ones with girls on saturday and spent a lot of saturday night talking with them about families, and with the exception of one, there is a lot of lasting hurt there. it doesn't, somehow, just crush me to hear all of that. i know that God is working in these girls, and guys, and i believe that he can heal them and heal their parents. i guess it's because i get to see these kids' hurt but also be with them as they experience joy and friendship and sharing and healing. i wish their parents got to do some of that.
we went on a retreat this weekend with all of our high school students. not all. 70 ish. it was really good. i didn't want to go at all. nothing seemed more tiring, and almost none of the girls in my small group were going...but i went anyway, pretty much because i didn't have any real reason not to except that i wanted to be lazy. so i went anyway, and it was good. i'm exhausted today of course, and i think it made me get a cold, which i hate. but i love talking to kids. i love meeting with the girls in my cabin and asking them questions and just listening. i can't believe the horrible things that happen in these kids' families. parents say awful, awful things to their children. i know i'm not getting the whole story, since i usually don't get to hear the parent's end of it, but telling your daughter that she's fat, or lazy, or stupid, or that she's never going to get married, or that you don't like her, or that she should try not eating for a while, is a lasting, devestating, destructive comment, regardless of context. it's really clear to me that parents are broken people too. talking to these girls makes me realize that there are a lot of broken people in the world, that very few parents have answers and know how to avoid doing damage in their relationships. people are hurt, and they don't know how to deal with it. it's hard to listen to. i had seven one-on-ones with girls on saturday and spent a lot of saturday night talking with them about families, and with the exception of one, there is a lot of lasting hurt there. it doesn't, somehow, just crush me to hear all of that. i know that God is working in these girls, and guys, and i believe that he can heal them and heal their parents. i guess it's because i get to see these kids' hurt but also be with them as they experience joy and friendship and sharing and healing. i wish their parents got to do some of that.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
he likes to keep his fire engine clean
for a long time i told anyone who would ask that the beatles were my favorite band, and i meant it. i think i was always somewhat of a fan, but when those anthologies were aired when i was in ninth grade (right?) i was hooked. i bought a whole slew of cds and listened to them all the time. i coveted the white album for months before picking up a copy. it's really funny to me that the first beatles album i ever had in my possession (although i think i borrowed it from autumn at first) was rubber soul. it's not what i'd think of as a starter for a new fan. i love it.
in recent years i've been hesitant to name the beatles as my favorite. i feel like i don't know enough about them, or understand the influence of their music enough, or, frankly, listen to them with the devotion a real fan should have. but i'm currently uploading all of my beatles cds to itunes. and i can't find rubber soul! where IS it? everything vanished during college. i can't find revolver either. but magical mystery tour is playing in the background as i write and it makes me feel good. it makes me feel comfortable and like myself. maybe i should regret that it's not inspiring me to go out and have adventures or smoke pot or create. but i don't feel like i need or want something to make me do those things. feeling like myself is enough. and anyway, wanting to write my first blog post in months probably DOES mean that the beatles inspired me to create. the beatles save the day!
in recent years i've been hesitant to name the beatles as my favorite. i feel like i don't know enough about them, or understand the influence of their music enough, or, frankly, listen to them with the devotion a real fan should have. but i'm currently uploading all of my beatles cds to itunes. and i can't find rubber soul! where IS it? everything vanished during college. i can't find revolver either. but magical mystery tour is playing in the background as i write and it makes me feel good. it makes me feel comfortable and like myself. maybe i should regret that it's not inspiring me to go out and have adventures or smoke pot or create. but i don't feel like i need or want something to make me do those things. feeling like myself is enough. and anyway, wanting to write my first blog post in months probably DOES mean that the beatles inspired me to create. the beatles save the day!
Saturday, September 16, 2006
flash the cash
sometimes my dad writes poems. he occasionally sends us emails and letters as his alter ego, "the baggist". the baggist is a character he created to entertain himself. the baggist is a storyteller who surrounds himself with an ecclectic group of associates, such as his wife, whose name i can't remember, who wears only deer skin clothing, is a writer, and lives with her husband only part time. sometimes the poems we receive from my dad are actually written by the baggist, such as this little gem that arrived in our inbox the other night. this poem is intended to convey a particular request to me and brad. if you are able to make a guess as to why my dad wrote this poem and what we are supposed to do as a result, please write a comment and i will give you a prize if you are correct - or even close to correct (i know the purpose due to some decoding prose that was added to the original email).
----
Flash the cash,
This ain't no trash.
Speak the label,
And we'll make the dash.
We be the thicket,
You buy the ticket.
With an "ooh bitty bambah"
And a fancy, "My oh my!"
We'll send you the dough.
And a "Thanks" that's styled high.
Oh, yeah.
The baggist
Bent Poem Series: From "B-ball ain't no fun day at the beach". It be work,
man."
----
----
Flash the cash,
This ain't no trash.
Speak the label,
And we'll make the dash.
We be the thicket,
You buy the ticket.
With an "ooh bitty bambah"
And a fancy, "My oh my!"
We'll send you the dough.
And a "Thanks" that's styled high.
Oh, yeah.
The baggist
Bent Poem Series: From "B-ball ain't no fun day at the beach". It be work,
man."
----
Monday, September 11, 2006
he had places to go
today i was riding the bus home from work on the newly paved 37th. way up the road i saw some sort of obstruction taking up the majority of the right lane. as we got closer i could tell that it was a moving object. it was an old man in a motorized wheelchair. he was CURMUDGEONLY. he was all hunched down, VERY old, wrinkled, and scowly (late 80s, i would say), wearing an old man trucker cap (like an actual one that he probably once wore as a real live trucker, not one that he picked up after thinking how good it looked on ashton kutcher), finger on the gas, eyes glaring, taking up the whole side of the road. and the topper: there was a small american flag on a plastic stick affixed to the back of the wheelchair, either something he put there himself because he's proud to be an american, or else perhaps something one of his children attached so that oncoming traffic might notice him and not run him down. the bus had to swerve way around him, but he didn't care. he had places to go, and he was making great time.
you can call me insensitive for bringing this up, but don't you think that handicapped people probably get a real thrill when they get their first motorized wheelchair and can travel way faster than able-bodied walkers? i think that might be kind of fun.
you can call me insensitive for bringing this up, but don't you think that handicapped people probably get a real thrill when they get their first motorized wheelchair and can travel way faster than able-bodied walkers? i think that might be kind of fun.
Friday, September 01, 2006
doesn't that sound nice?
so apparently when i'm busy blogging is the first thing to go. i should get my priorities straight.
one thing i've been thinking about a lot lately is the idea that God exists outside of time. i used to find this mind-boggling and almost frightening. frightening because of the idea of heaven in conjunction with eternity and eternal existence. i didn't want my soul to be dead and over per se, but the idea of me continuing on FOREVER seemed SCARY.
but i've been reading a lot of cs lewis lately. i've been on a huge cs lewis kick since the spring and just finished another one a couple of days ago, the screwtape letters. cs lewis talks about the desires we have that are not or cannot be fulfilled on earth. like let's say i had a desire for a great, loving friendship, but never experienced one. since i have this desire for a good thing, God has to be the one who gave me that good desire, and if it can't be fulfilled here (although of course i actually do have friends, contrary to what some liar might have told you), then it holds true that that desire will someday be fulfilled for me, specifically, in heaven. i like that! and then i was thinking about it more, and i read a letter that cs lewis wrote that talked about the need for unpressured time being something that will be fulfilled in heaven. the idea is that there won't be/isn't time in heaven at all. so all the time flying by/not enough time to do anything/it seems like yesterday when i was in high school/i don't have time to sit and think/etc. things we think every day, and the desire for MORE time, or NO time, will be met in heaven where time does not exist and God exists outside of time. it's not that minutes and seconds and hours and years will be dragging by unceasingly, it's that time will not be a factor - we'll just BE. and do things. and have relationships. without any time pressure. doesn't that sound nice? it does to me.
so that's my deep thought for the day. call me jack handy.
one thing i've been thinking about a lot lately is the idea that God exists outside of time. i used to find this mind-boggling and almost frightening. frightening because of the idea of heaven in conjunction with eternity and eternal existence. i didn't want my soul to be dead and over per se, but the idea of me continuing on FOREVER seemed SCARY.
but i've been reading a lot of cs lewis lately. i've been on a huge cs lewis kick since the spring and just finished another one a couple of days ago, the screwtape letters. cs lewis talks about the desires we have that are not or cannot be fulfilled on earth. like let's say i had a desire for a great, loving friendship, but never experienced one. since i have this desire for a good thing, God has to be the one who gave me that good desire, and if it can't be fulfilled here (although of course i actually do have friends, contrary to what some liar might have told you), then it holds true that that desire will someday be fulfilled for me, specifically, in heaven. i like that! and then i was thinking about it more, and i read a letter that cs lewis wrote that talked about the need for unpressured time being something that will be fulfilled in heaven. the idea is that there won't be/isn't time in heaven at all. so all the time flying by/not enough time to do anything/it seems like yesterday when i was in high school/i don't have time to sit and think/etc. things we think every day, and the desire for MORE time, or NO time, will be met in heaven where time does not exist and God exists outside of time. it's not that minutes and seconds and hours and years will be dragging by unceasingly, it's that time will not be a factor - we'll just BE. and do things. and have relationships. without any time pressure. doesn't that sound nice? it does to me.
so that's my deep thought for the day. call me jack handy.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
clubhouse
oh, my dog is a problem. i love her. she is one of my best and nicest and cutest friends. but she is causing all sorts of trouble. tonight, like every morning and night, i took her for a walk. she has to wear a contraption called a Gentle Leader, so that she won't pull her little self to every interesting thing and damage her spine. she hates that Gentle Leader. does it gently lead her? yes, in fact, it does. does that make it a great walking companion? no, it does not. what it means is that instead of looking forward to her evening trot, emmy runs around the house to avoid the Gentle Leader, paws at it throughout the entire walk, and frequently races over to other people's yards while we're out so that she can rub her face in the grass and get that thing off. i don't exactly blame her. but we used to be able to go for about an hour, and now we're down to about twenty minutes, tops.
but is emmy cutting back how much she eats in relation to her limited exercise, as fitness magazine would advise? no, she certainly is not. she, much like me, knows no moderation when it comes to food (although i'm getting better). i could eat a bucket of ice cream, no problem. emmy is not allowed to have dairy or chocolate, BUT, who cares about that when there's a plum tree in the back yard and YOU CAN EAT ALL THE PLUMS YOU WANT?? and that is exactly what she's been doing, apparently. most evenings emmy spends some time in the back yard by herself under the plum tree. brad and i have started to refer to it as her clubhouse. "where's emmy?" "oh, i think she's out at her clubhouse." fantastic. but today i was dutifully scooping up her poop, and what did i see in it (gross), but millions and billions of plum pits, which she frantically swallowed whole. what did she do the entire time i scooped up her poop? ate plums. unceasingly. what is she doing as i write? prancing back to the tree for more plums. when is she going to die of plum inhalation? any day.
but she's going to do it alone, because mrs. emmy has gotten herself uninvited to my parents' house this weekend. she and my dad became best friends when my parents were here a few weeks ago, and he said we should bring her along when we came for a visit in august. well my friends, that visit is starting friday, and as of tonight, WEDNESDAY, i learned that my mom is oh so uncertain about having a dog in the house. fantastic again. so rather than have an awkward weekend of constantly watching the dog when we'd rather be visiting friends, we're scrambling to find a temporary home for her. anybody want a dog?
well, i need to go get a refreshing diet pepsi and prepare myself for an allison-free project runway. WHYYYYYYY, whyyy allison???
but is emmy cutting back how much she eats in relation to her limited exercise, as fitness magazine would advise? no, she certainly is not. she, much like me, knows no moderation when it comes to food (although i'm getting better). i could eat a bucket of ice cream, no problem. emmy is not allowed to have dairy or chocolate, BUT, who cares about that when there's a plum tree in the back yard and YOU CAN EAT ALL THE PLUMS YOU WANT?? and that is exactly what she's been doing, apparently. most evenings emmy spends some time in the back yard by herself under the plum tree. brad and i have started to refer to it as her clubhouse. "where's emmy?" "oh, i think she's out at her clubhouse." fantastic. but today i was dutifully scooping up her poop, and what did i see in it (gross), but millions and billions of plum pits, which she frantically swallowed whole. what did she do the entire time i scooped up her poop? ate plums. unceasingly. what is she doing as i write? prancing back to the tree for more plums. when is she going to die of plum inhalation? any day.
but she's going to do it alone, because mrs. emmy has gotten herself uninvited to my parents' house this weekend. she and my dad became best friends when my parents were here a few weeks ago, and he said we should bring her along when we came for a visit in august. well my friends, that visit is starting friday, and as of tonight, WEDNESDAY, i learned that my mom is oh so uncertain about having a dog in the house. fantastic again. so rather than have an awkward weekend of constantly watching the dog when we'd rather be visiting friends, we're scrambling to find a temporary home for her. anybody want a dog?
well, i need to go get a refreshing diet pepsi and prepare myself for an allison-free project runway. WHYYYYYYY, whyyy allison???
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
i've got the know-how
one thing that i find particularly silly and wrong is when people say that you don't need to use much math in real life. i love math. i'm not trying to hide it. it makes sense. it's easy. it's logical. you learn some things, memorize a few concepts, and there you have it: you know math. i use math at work all the time. if i didn't understand a few juicy tidbits about the order of operations and how parentheses work, i could be in a lot of trouble. math also allows me to worry alternatively more and less about life - less when i use it to make a budget, plan for the future, blah blah blah, boring, sensible me...and allows me to worry all the more when i see mortgage payments and car payments and vacation payments adding up...because i can add well in my head, thank you, and i can multiply those payments for any number of months with the best of them, and sometimes the sums and products of those amounts make me a little panicky. i've got the know-how, and the results can be frightening. we've got the facts, and we're voting yes. but the worrying isn't math's fault...it's just what i do.
sometimes i hate how responsible i am. i can't stop myself from reading 40 msn money articles before buying a house or hold off on saving for retirement or blow all of my money on trips and shoes and trinkets. i wish a had a little more spontaneity and a little more faith that no matter what i do, things will work out in the end. because ultimately i believe they will. but i tend to plan as if it's all up to me. it's good and bad. it's a mixed bag. it's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.
it's not really like that - but that really happened to me! on the way back from the pearl jam concerts at the gorge, when my brother looked like an unwashed lunatic and we didn't get home until very late, we also hadn't eaten much because the extreme heat made everything sound oh so unappetizing. except a cherry slurpee-esque thing, which i don't even like under normal circumstances. so we stopped at mcdonalds in moses lake. the drive through line inched along for days and weeks and years. finally we received our orders - mine was an asian chicken salad. i took the bag and asked mcdonalds lady if she had included any forks. she grabbed a bunch and stuffed them in the bag and basically slammed her little mcdonalds window shut. we pulled over to switch drivers and i distributed the food and utensils - AND - she gave me four spoons!! not one single fork!!! as brad drove home to spokane, i ate the mandarin orange slices and edamame and lettuce in the creepy darkness with my bare hands and couldn't help but imagine that the slimy things i was touching were worms and bugs and assorted unsavory items. the second-worst teacher i've ever had was from moses lake; maybe it's just a bad place.
sometimes i hate how responsible i am. i can't stop myself from reading 40 msn money articles before buying a house or hold off on saving for retirement or blow all of my money on trips and shoes and trinkets. i wish a had a little more spontaneity and a little more faith that no matter what i do, things will work out in the end. because ultimately i believe they will. but i tend to plan as if it's all up to me. it's good and bad. it's a mixed bag. it's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.
it's not really like that - but that really happened to me! on the way back from the pearl jam concerts at the gorge, when my brother looked like an unwashed lunatic and we didn't get home until very late, we also hadn't eaten much because the extreme heat made everything sound oh so unappetizing. except a cherry slurpee-esque thing, which i don't even like under normal circumstances. so we stopped at mcdonalds in moses lake. the drive through line inched along for days and weeks and years. finally we received our orders - mine was an asian chicken salad. i took the bag and asked mcdonalds lady if she had included any forks. she grabbed a bunch and stuffed them in the bag and basically slammed her little mcdonalds window shut. we pulled over to switch drivers and i distributed the food and utensils - AND - she gave me four spoons!! not one single fork!!! as brad drove home to spokane, i ate the mandarin orange slices and edamame and lettuce in the creepy darkness with my bare hands and couldn't help but imagine that the slimy things i was touching were worms and bugs and assorted unsavory items. the second-worst teacher i've ever had was from moses lake; maybe it's just a bad place.
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