uncle frank

and on the dawn of february...i do have some resolutions for 2008.

spend time writing more than once a week
originally i thought maybe i should commit to doing this every day, but that is simply too much for me to handle right now. writing includes blogs, journal entries, MFA writing samples, and myriad other possibilities...but does NOT include emails. because that would be the lazy man's way.

focus on ways i can be optimistic
in 'home alone', kevin mccallister's dad tells uncle frank, when it seems "WE SLEPT IN!" and are probably all going to miss the flight to paris, "think positive!" the curmudgeonly frank replies, "you think positive, i'll be realistic." i think i have more than i want of that uncle frank attitude within me. i'm a very practical person and i think that to maintain practicality i tend to neglect optimism...which ultimately leads to pessimism. i want to think more about what's possible and how to make the good things happen instead of looking for reasons why they can't.

pray in the mornings while i walk the dog
there. so much more specific than last year's "pray more". this is something i can work on. and i walk emmy every day, so i really have no excuse not to follow through with this.

and in related news--pray for my husband and my marriage every day
perhaps i should do this on my morning walk!

figure out what i'm supposed to do for work
i feel really overwhelmed with possibilities and interests and absolutely uncertain of what path to pursue. i really hate it. i want to do something i love and am passionate and excited about, that benefits me and others and that uses my intelligence and gifts. but i'm kind of lost right now and i really really really want this to be the year that i figure out what direction to move in...however slowly.

start doing exercises to strengthen my back
my poor, neglected back. the abs get all the glory and it's just not fair. or right. back, it's your time to shine!

re-read my list of 2008 resolutions before 2009
if history is any indication, i'll forget a few of these bad boys before next year.

phone call

i just received a phone call from the arc of spokane. they collect clothing and household items and provide services for the developmentally disabled. there are a lot of things i want to donate to them so i was really glad to see their name on the caller ID. but the mood turned from childlike excitement to pure childishness when, after i answered, the nice old lady on the phone asked, "is mama home?"

hmmm...all i could really do what a) be extremely grateful that this didn't happen during a face-to-face encounter at my front door and b) embarrassedly reply, "this is."

ahh, youth.

this happened!

all this week i've been trying to decide on what new year's resolutions i want to try for in 2008. i've gotten the list down to a few finalists but i'm still not ready to post them. but i thought i'd look at how things went for 2007. the resolutions were...

run 1000 miles
i did it! this happened! i tracked my mileage for most of the year with nike+. it broke in the fall but i totaled my pretty darn close to exact estimated mileage and i ran about 1332 miles last year! i'm pleased.

start wearing face lotion that contains sunscreen
i did this! i'm pleased again! i got this lotion i like quite a bit. it is clean and clear oil-free oxygenating ultra-light moisturizer spf 15. i like it so much that i wear it every day without even thinking about it. i also bought a body lotion with spf 15 that i like quite a bit too - vaseline intensive care daily skin shield. neither lotion is smelly or greasy.

pray more
oh my. when i first wrote down that resolution i made a note that it was written in a vague, immeasurable way, which is so true that i have no idea how to figure out if the goal was accomplished. i don't think i prayed ENOUGH. but i may have prayed more than in 2006. hmmm.

worry less
again...the vagueness. actually, i think i did worry less about some of the things that i used to be overly concerned about, like money. so that's good. and we've made up our minds more about who and what to give money TO, so that is also good. A+.

keep in better touch with friends
i feel pretty good about this. it doesn't hurt that i got to see lots of friends over the holidays, or that we just sent out and received a bunch of christmas cards so i feel extra connected to people right now. either way, i'll take it.

a perfect storm

as i get older i've been trying to dress a little better. i wish i could say i had found my elusive "personal style", but at this point i'm mostly trying to wear things that fit and flatter me. i try not to buy things that are too trendy or too, shall we say, cutesy, mostly because i am one of the youngest people at my work and don't want to emphasize my babyness, and also as someone who works with teenagers i don't want to look exactly like a kid in my non-work hours either.

but this morning i had an incident. a perfect storm, if you will. i was wearing a pale green puffy coat (a child's coat with fake fur trim....oh my), fake costco uggs (with my pants tucked into them! but that really is the best way to go in the snow) AND a white snow hat with a ball on top. it was 6:45 am and i was going out to walk the dog, and it was still dark, and i broke one of my cardinal rules, which is that i simply am not allowed to ever wear the hat and coat in combination, because i really don't know what could be cutesier or trendier. i was sure i would see no one. but of course my neighbor was outside leaving for work and wanted to have a conversation. he was like, "is my baby keeping you up at night when he cries?" and i was like, "no - are you secretly cringing because of my outfit? do i make you want to die inside?"

even worse was a couple of weeks ago when i wore the puffy-coat-and-faux-uggs-tucked-into-pants ensemble on a very brief trip to albersons when i ran into about 10 former high school students who were oh so cool and buying cigarettes. i was so embarrassed. also, i had been crying, for undisclosed reasons, right until the point of entering the store. it was a perfect night.

so the rule is: hat and coat=not okay. hat and boots=okay. coat and boots=okay outside, not okay at albertsons.

something something but...

is it just me? i know a lot of nice people, and people who do the right thing and are kind and are generous and forgiving and all of those good things. and here's something i hear a lot when they're talking about other people:

"i love her, but..." "i like him a lot, but..." "his mom is great and i love her, but..." "don't get me wrong, i love him to death, but..." "she's super nice but..."

i think all of these "something something buts" are actually us nice people saying, "i'm really nice, but still i have to say..." and "you know i'm not a judgmental jerk but i want you to know..." and "you know me, i'm a good person, but..."

i do this myself sometimes and i think it's kind of stupid. i'm going to try not to qualify my comments with a "please like me anyway, but..." maybe it's better to say what you think and let it stand for itself or just keep it to yourself to begin with.

the blizzard continues

i am trapped inside because it is snowing. i meant to be running right now and when i saw it start to snow a couple of hours ago i thought, well i'll just wait until it dies down and then go out. but i think the snow had a blizzard in mind and dying down does not seem to be in progress. i just checked the weather report and the news is grim. snow snow snow. which i love except when i've procrastinated leaving the house for way too long like i have today.

so i am trying to do some online christmas shopping. i've never really bought much online before but this is, oh you know, about 8 years into the new millennium so maybe it's time for me to catch on. but i really don't even know how to get started. i've been looking at jewelry and there are these super cute earrings at www.greenergrassdesign.com by anne black. i think they would make a great gift for a certain someone - except that the dimensions are not listed. they could either be the perfect little drop earring size or else they could hang down to the shoulders. and wobble to and fro. i'm not ready to risk it. if anyone knows the perfect place to buy affordable, non-supersized earrings, please advise me.

ok...i need to buck up and go out there. the blizzard continues. so i think i might go run on the treadmill in the gym in the fortress that is my work basement. i always worry a teeny bit when i run there because i feel it would be a great set for a horror movie. not to insult my work but it's like a maze down there with locks and doors and passageways. brad tells me this is exactly why i do not need to worry about running there - even if someone wanted to make me horror movie prey there's no way they could ever find me. but all the same i think i'll call someone to say where i'll be...just in case.

jane fondas

typo/spelling/content check free - good luck!

so it seems that i'm not going to be a marathoner in two weeks anymore. i hurt my dumb hip. i haven't run in almost three weeks now, and my hip still feels kinda off. it feels pretty good most of the time (except i limp a lot and i'm not even aware of it anymore) but i've attempted a couple of 30 second runs and learned that running still causes a significant amount of pain. so...goodbye bellingham marathon. maybe hello bellingham half marathon, if i can heal soon. maybe hello tri cities marathon october 28th? i'm not sure yet. it really sucks because i have spent over three months on a strict training plan. i've run two 20 mile runs, one 21.5 mile run, a couple of 16s, an 18, two 19s, and a whooooooole bunch of things in the 5 to 14 range. many of them at 5 in the morning. many of them on saturdays when i wanted to be sleeping. and now that might have all been something i was doing toward no goal whatsoever.

what happened was a combination of lots of running and a weak muscle - my gluteus medius, which i don't know a whole lot about except that i am strengthening mine now through leg lifts, which my physical therapist calls "jane fondas", and something he calls "monster walks", which means walking sideways with a resistance band around my ankles. the gluteus medius sits along the pelvis (i think?) and helps to stabilize the hips/pelvis in running and other things. since my muscles were weak, i was unstable and one hip was rotated farther forward than the other one, which in turn made my IT band get really tight, which meant that it could smoothly glide over my hip bone region and started to cause some pain, which is when i finally noticed that things weren't quite right. i've learned a few things from this...

1. don't run when your legs don't feel quite right. if i had taken a day or two off when i first felt that something was a little "off" in my left leg i might have saved myself a whole lot of weeks off in the end.

2. i thought (subconsciously) i was really invulnerable to injury. i've never really been injured in my life so despite the fact that lots of people sustain running injuries it didn't occur to me i might be one of them. now i know to pay a little more attention to how i'm feeling.

3. it might have been a bit much to go from training for bloomsday (i was really, really, really concerned about running it in under an hour, which i did, thank our lucky stars), straight from that into training for the coeur d'alene half marathon, and straight from that into a 16 week training program for the marathon. i tried to follow reasonable training plan for all of that. but i'm newer to being super serious about running and all of that back to back was probably too much.

4. strength training is really important. i do strength train. but i did less when i started running more. and i certainly was not doing jane fondas or even considering my poor neglected gluteus medius one bit. my gluteus medius didn't like being neglected and it let me know. so i think i'm going to ask my PT (which is a physical therapist but i keep accidentally referring to him as my personal trainer) for exercises to complete as long as i keep running so that i don't ignore essential parts of me again.

5. my doctor was virtually no help with this, but my "personal trainer" was so helpful. i've had to go in twice a week for a few weeks and he explained everything about how this happened, how to strengthen the muscles to keep it from happening again, showed me muscles and joints on a skeleton, and was generally just really helpful and not at all rushed as if 10 other patients were sitting in hospital gowns in their respective rooms waiting for his attention. my doctor's advice was to take a few days off running and he explained virtually nothing about hip injuries. so lesson learned - i'm going to the physical therapist as soon as possible if something like this happens again. no offense, doctors...but i like to understand what's happening and what to do to fix it, and my doctor didn't seem to care that i understood or not. also, he seemed to think that doing a marathon was kind of silly. whatev, doctor. whatev.

soooooooooo now i'm not sure what to do. i've been spending an undesirable amount of time on the elliptical machine and the recumbant bike and missing the fine september weather we're having. but i am catching up on the classy magazines at the gym, which mostly consist of US Weekly and Star. awesome.

brad and joel are brewing their own beer right now in the kitchen and arguing about what a "rolling boil" is so i think i might go get involved. since i'm not out doing the 16 mile run i was supposed to do this weekend. meee :(

tagged

i have been tagged by my sister kathleen. i am not going to really follow all of the rules of being tagged i don't think. but i will share eight facts about myself. i will not probably be tagging eight other friends with blogs to post THEIR eight facts. that is mostly because i only have about .2 friends with blogs. so now that all of that business is out of the way...

FACT 1: sometimes i talk in my sleep. but apparently i seem very awake and am capable of carrying on full, two-sided conversations. here is a dialog from a couple of nights ago. brad gave me a recap the next day.
Sarah - "What the heck? What the hell?!"
Brad - What's wrong?"
S - "I had a dream, and I threw the candy bar on the ground. I had to just throw it down."
B - "You threw the candy bar on the ground?"
S - "Yes. I'm a factory."

FACT 2: something is wrong with my sense of smell. i think it is degenerating. my nose always seems kind of stuffed, i SNORE (in addition to talking in my sleep), and i can't smell half the things brad can. it didn't used to be this way - i think i should probably go to the nose doctor and see if i have a deviated septum or something. the thing that worries me is that i might smell really bad sometimes and have no idea. for example - i know my running clothes smell a little because i sweat in them. but what if it's far worse than i realize and everyone at the gym at my work is like, "OMG - have you SMELLED sarah hauge??? she is disgusting and her locker STINKS. i hate working with her." stuff like that. little kid things...

FACT 3: when i was little i was obsessed with the movies the parent trap and the sound of music and went through phases of watching them almost daily. just this morning the song "Let's Get Together" from the parent trap burst into my head. and i burst into song. also - fact 3(a) - i used to think it would be a good idea for me to get a haircut identical to the one haley mills wore in the movie. one adorable short blond semi-curly haircut atop my round pink head. i'm probably very lucky the desired haircut never materialized but those would have been some funny pictures.

FACT 4: i think i have switched into the kind of person who really, genuinely likes to eat healthy food. fruit, vegetables, soy products of all sorts, whole grains, high percentage of cacao chocolate, homemade everything to keep out the random fats and salt and preservatives...that's me! and i'm slowly transforming brad too, much to his chagrin. except - my vice - a daily diet pepsi. what could be more wholesome??

FACT 5: i am a mega lightweight. one drink is all it takes for me to "feel it in my legs", as i like to describe it. i can seriously feel a little something after about two sips of wine. but i don't like to drink much so that's fine me.

FACT 6: i'm a bigtime reader. i read quite a bit. i love novels, more theological/spiritual-based things, blogs, forums, cooking books and magazines galore, money and fitness articles, magazines of all sorts, short stories...etc. one of the best things about my life right now is that i take the bus to work and have about 25 glorious (sometimes frustrating, because let's face it, the people on the bus can be shockingly loud and obnoxious) minutes each way to spend reading whatever i please.

FACT 7: i've written since i was very little. someone gave me a diary for a present when i was three or four years old and i started writing in it right away. it's really funny but also kind of amazing (does that sound conceited? maybe i think i was a prodigy) to read it now and see that i actually sat down to journal about real things at about age four. but then in the same journal it progresses on to kindergarten-esque writing to early elementary school writing and on and on. the letters get smaller and more legible. but i was a writer all along.

FACT 8: some i've nevers - i've never broken a bone. i've never had braces. i've never played on a sports team. i never saw star wars until sometime in high school and i still haven't really seen it since i fell asleep. i've never eaten a twinkie or a ho ho or a snowball or any of those other bizarre hostess products. i've never smoked. i've never cooked a thanksgiving turkey and likely never will since i'm a new vegetarian. i've never been in a car accident or gotten a ticket.

some i haves - i've missed the bus many times and have to run to the bus stop at least twice a week. i've learned to be a fairly good cook and a decent but inexpert baker. i've traveled to many states and a few countries and am looking forward to my first european excursion in the fall. i've learned a lot about contemporary music and gotten myself up to speed remarkably well (in my opinion) in the past 12 or so years, especially considering that my formative years were spent mostly listening to whatever was playing on KOMO am 1000 in my mom's station wagon and then KXLY in my mom's forthcoming minivan. i've become a major dog person since getting our dog emmy as a puppy a little over a year ago. i've become one of those people who gets really restless when they're not doing something - if you make me sit still all day i start to go crazy (whereas once i would have been content to read a book, totally stationary on the couch, each and every day of summer). i've grown in my love of ice cream with each passing year. i've had the same best friends for over 10 years, since junior high.

that was fun!

ever so subtle

a house in our neighborhood that emmy and i walk past approximately 489830 times a week is for sale. it's a really cute house so when they finally put out their fliers yesterday i took one. apparently their real estate agent is an idiot, as i read the following in a lengthy paragraph she had written:

"This is a package that will provide the ultimate for gentile living both inside and out."

i suppose in my own way i do partake in gentile living but i didn't realize that we were doing some ever so subtle racial/religious profiling in the comstock neighborhood. live and learn...

it is HOT

it is HOT. so hot. around 90 degrees in the room where our computer lives. it's 10:49 p.m. and i'm wearing my swimsuit. and it's just going to get hotter....oh hell.

the reason i'm wearing the swimsuit is that we're going to the lake this weekend so i wanted to peruse my options. basically i hate them all. maybe i'm a little too critical. but it's true, not one awesome, supportive, stunning swimsuit in the bunch. but i will say, a swimsuit is very comfortable evening attire when you're in a heatwave and you don't have air conditioning and your windows date back to 1949.

whose idea was it to train for a marathon in the middle of the freaking summer??

50 50 50

so i am taking an online class called 'the craft of magazine writing'. my assignment for today is to make a list of 50 topics i would be interested in writing about. that was fun. but i'm not sure how much people would be interested in READING these little gems. so i'm going to post my list here. if you want to give me some feedback about your favorites, maybe i'll write you an article or two. some have semi-intriguing titles, some titles are hopelessly boring. FYI.

1. corporate drones: why don't they break free?
2. how to find the perfect running partner or group
3. dinner parties 101
4. veronica mars, arrested development, and other great shows cancelled in their prime. why???
5. penpalling it: seeing the world without leaving the U.S. of A.
6. top 10 classic books every adult should read and why
7. what to do when you and your dog are approached by a scary stray
8. when to plant bulbs for year-round blossoms
9. corporate fitness - what innovative companies are doing (hint: yours should be too)
10. how to get $ back for "green" home updates
11. how to plan a trip to europe that won't leave you destitute
12. don't call me: creative ways friends keep in touch
13. how to start a small business
14. "stay at home moms" who bring home the bacon
15. 10 most outrageous Harry Potter release parties
16. what you need to know: essentials for your first half-marathon
17. MVPs of spokane home improvements
18. teaching english in a foreign country: what's it really like?
19. who are the downtownies? inside spokane's street culture
20. a day in the life: hanging out with a restaurant/bakery owner
21. spokane's best running routes
22. why do people hate math?
23. food staples of the meat-free cook
24. high school bands that made it big
25. my tv-free month: confessions of a pop culture junkie
26. clicker training your dog to do whatever you want
27. philosophy majors: where are they now?
28. spokane entrepreneurs, just starting out
29. the best road trip ever: 'n sync '99
30. the best road trip ever, part II: justin timberlake '07
31. the five best marathons for first-timers
32. the five best pop culture podcasts
33. how to succeed with your mini vegetable garden
34. how to raise generous kids in a material world
35. cool charities that give you something, too
36. how have we all changed since high school?
37. who's who of the farmers market
38. cities that are going green and greener
39. what's behind those glasses? getting to know your local librarian
40. who's going back to school and why you should too
41. how to teach your dog to love running
42. how to teach your husband to love running
43. mission trips: what's the point?
44. how does church in childhood impact faith in adults?
45. is it really so hard to build muscle?
46. who does what: how to divide the chores
47. board games for thinkers and mathletes
48. who are the ironmen?
49. my first marathon
50. behind the scenes at local ice creameries

i barely even got to some things i love, like movies, lots more tv than i mentioned, and unlimited other interests i have...anyway, if any of these strike your fancy let me know.

bigtime stuff

i think i am going to do the bellingham bay marathon in october. the first ever. the one and only. and also my first ever. i'm excited but nervous because i haven't found a training partner or training group and the next 16 weeks are going to involve A LOT of running and it is going to be very hot out. i am about to run 12 miles with my friend bekka who, unfortunately for me, will be moving away in about a month and might not be able to accompany me on runs ever again. so i am eating a whole wheat english muffin with peanut butter (it is very, very, very delicious for some reason - maybe because it's toasted? or because i'd rather be sitting and eating than getting ready to go?) and thinking about how i should go put on my super athletic pink running tank top (it makes me kind of self conscious...it just seems so official like i think i'm bigtime stuff) and probably sunscreen and brush my teeth. boring! i'm glad i have a partner for today.

is anybody interested in doing the inaguaral bellingham bay marathon, half marathon, or 10k on october 7??? you can
"be a part of history", as the website told me i could. and you can train with me!

question: what is your favorite team sport and why OR what is your favorite solo sport/activity and why?

time to go....

must read

i just did something that was really fun but also made me feel like a little kid: i rode my bike, helmet and everything, even though it is supposed to be 95 today, to the library. the library is not very far away but it was still a little harrowing because a) i barely ever ride a bike, although i want to a lot more, b) the side street i took back home had no turnoffs and forced me to travel on the very busy, very scary grand boulevard, and c) because we don't have a bike lock so i spent the whole time in the library hoping the bike would still be there when i left. but all of that was ok.

i went to the library to find some classic books to read. there are quite a few "must reads" that i have never read, so those are the types of things i was looking for. huckleberry finn, madame bovary, vanity fair, etc. but the selection at the library was kind of disappointing. the only copy of huck finn i could find was GINORMOUS and hardback and not very portable either for the bike or the bus every day to work. and lots of things just weren't there at all. i hate hate hate jane austen books, but i know people love her so i was going to give her another try, but the only two books they had were pride and prejudice and sense and sensibility, both of which i have read already. the only book they had by any of the bronte sisters was wuthering heights, which i own. the only fitzgerald book they had was the great gatsby, which i also own. etc. i should have come prepared with a list of books to look for. next time i will. today i got oliver twist, which i hope i will like. i almost got the pickwick papers only because they talk about them in book 3 of the anne of green gables series, anne of the island. but oliver twist seemed like more of a must read. who knows though...but i want to read A LOT this summer. in my backyard with a DP soda by my side.

question: what are your favorite "classic" books? i accept both classics in the traditional sense and also modern day classics. the classics of the future. the classics of the space age.

the great city of minneapolis

earlier this week i went on my first ever business trip, to the great city of minneapolis. it was for a technical writing conference. here are some things i learned:

1. minneapolis is pretty cool. i mean i only got a small taste of it because i had no car and no tour guide, but i thought the city was pretty nice and the trails all along the mississippi riverfront were AWESOME. i had so much fun running along them every morning for some reason. sometimes here at home i dread running outside because it's so much more work for me than treadmill running, but minneapolis trails are nice. i love being on the water.

2. minneapolis shuts down at 7 pm, every day. except i wasn't there on a friday or saturday night, so maybe they don't shut down at 7 on those days. but all of the other days, all of the stores and cafes and everything close at 7! what are you supposed to do then???

3. i love cities where you can get everywhere by foot. i walked and ran 1 billion miles and i just really, really prefer to explore new places that way. i went to loring park, the spoon and cherry sculpture thing, cafe brenda (delicious vegetarian cuisine, since i'm maybe a vegetarina now??? HAHA - vegetarina. that's a girl vegetarian.), the mississippi riverfront, several other parks, target (apparently, minneapolis is the home of my favorite megastore, target. who knew? i visited it several times. target is one of the only places that is open until the late, great hour of 9 pm), a little hint of "eat street", the stone arch bridge, nicollet island, hell's kitchen, and back and forth 5000000 times from the minneapolis hilton to the minneapolis convention center.

4. people in minneapolis are more fashionable than people in spokane. at least girls my age are. their shoes are 44889 times better. i need to learn to dress like a young minneapolis professional.

5. the mall of america is LAME! i took the light rail there. it actually was not entirely, entirely lame, but i thought, for some reason, that it would be much, much bigger than it actually is. i expected to get lost in the mall and not be able to find my way out (that is why i wrote down the entrance name and nearby stores on the back of my light rail ticket when i first got there. i was scared.)

overall, i think my first business trip was a success. i was kind of nervous for it. but everything went great until it was time to return to spokane. first, my flight was delayed, which i didn't know until i got to the airport. then, i fell asleep on the flight and woke up feeling very, very queasy. i was afraid that if i got up i would faint and throw up in the aisle of the plane, because i have had that happen once before, so i toughed it out and remained seated, in a very miserable position, until we finally landed. i put my head down most of the time and COULD NOT stop thinking about the grilled vegetable sandwich, featuring eggplant, that i had had for dinner. i couldn't get it out of my head, and it was seriously grossing me out. finally we got off the plane, and i was going to hurry to the bathroom when i realized i probably wouldn't make it that far and so i ended up very glamorously throwing up in a garbage can right behind the ticket counter as people deplaned. here's a fact: people don't care when you get sick in public. i was throwing up. no one cared. they just walked by. one man saw my stuff scattered all around me and asked if i was just "organizing myself". i said, no, i had just gotten airsick. he said ok and walked away. WHY did he want to help me if i was just "organizing myself", but not it i were sick?? people are weird. on our way home i had to have brad pull over so i could very glamorously throw up on the side of the road. a man walking by stopped to say, "too much fun at the party??" then he laughed and walked away. thanks a lot.

hotshot

so it seems like it would probably be a good idea to check in on how the old new year's resolutions are coming along. probably the reason i want to do this is because there is one i know i'm doing a good job on and i want recognition. check out my previous blog, "so this is the new year", for all the facts on my hopes and dreams for 2007.

run 1000 miles
i think i am doing great so far. i've been tracking my mileage like nobody's business, and things are going along quite nicely. running. who knew i would like it? but i do. how i remember those days at canyon park junior high and then bothell high school, when running two miles made me want to throw up, i spent approximately 75% of the time walking, and i never once got a PR. i was not in good shape. but very oblivious to that fact - i thought running was just not for me. well, think again hotshot. i've run 443.2 miles so far this year.

start wearing face lotion that contains sunscreen
i am AWESOME! 100% resolutions achieved. not only have i been wearing face lotion with sunscreen, i've also decided to take things to the next level and use body lotion with sunscreen. praise me. this is basically the reason why i wanted to check in on my resolutions. sunscreen is something i've always been an idiot about. but i realized - the sun hurts me. i am pale. i am never going to be tan. so why try? i should take care of myself.

pray more
and now the failures begin....i never did specify how i was going to do this, or how i would know if i had achieved this goal. but i think i've been trying to think about and connect with God more during the day, and i've been reflecting on things quite a bit. but am i praying enough for myself, brad, my friends, my family, the world, my future, that i will know God better? definitely not. i need to give more time to this because it really matters to me. i believe in it. i should act like it.

worry less
hmmm...again, kind of unquantifiable and therefore, who knows how i'm doing? i feel less stressed out sometimes. but i think that i'm still too uptight about things, too much in need of control over situations where i cannot or should not be in control, and too concerned with what people think and what i should be doing, rather than just being and living and going for things. sooooooo.

keep in better touch with friends
i've been much better at keeping in touch with my best friends. we are emailing a lot. we just had a friendship reuinion weekend. i fail at phone calls. i fail at keeping in touch with lots of my other good friends, my brother, my former d group girls. i'm glad i'm reevaluating these. i miss those people.

if you're reading this - what were your new year's resolutions? how are they going?

emmy is crying and has been for several minutes now. i better go see why.

zaftig

i am so tired. i wish i were a better napper. i am not good at taking naps on purpose, and when i just fall asleep on the couch or quelquechose comma ca, it never seems very satisfying because it was oh so unofficial. i had some of my favorite friends here visiting this weekend and it was really fun. last night we went to dinner at the safari grill in the davenport tower and told each other what we thought the best career for each one of us would be. i thought it was really fun, and i think it was also practical for me. BUT now i really do have to become a writer and/or open a center for overall nutrition and exercise help (is that the gist of it autumn? am i leaving something out?). it's nice when people you love and respect and who truly know you say what they think you would be good at because you know that a) they want you to be happy and fulfilled and b) they probably know what would make you feel that way. so i'm closing up the cookie shop. slash just baking cookies at home more often for my own enjoyment.

i'm about to go lie very still on the couch and finish digesting my cereal before i do my last pre-bloomsday long run. i do not feel up for it. but hopefully my good friend michael aussiello (sp?) will make me laugh and fill my mind with tidbits on gilmore girls and veronica mars via the weekly tv guide podcast. oh how i love podcasts. i will be so happy when project runway comes back and i can hear tim gunn tell me what things are inconceivable, zaftig, and worthy of being probed.

gotta get inside that poof!

i am the worst blogger in the world. i really like writing my thoughts, and i think about stuff i want to write about all the time, but i never feel like i have the chance to sit down and do it. i just feel like there's no TIME for things when you have a full time job. i'm always choosing between the things i like and only getting to do a few of them, while i spend hours and hours at work every week. aggravation. that's why i'm going to quit everything and open a business where i bake and sell cookies. all cookies, all the time.

i saw the movie hot fuzz today and it was so hilarious. i really, really liked it. the violence was sometimes extreme, but really, really funny. really, really. i'm not all that into violence as amusement generally speaking, but the most violent image in the movie made me laugh out loud. but violence aside, it was so great in other ways. sometimes when i go to see movies that i know have a lot of buzz with certain types of people, or when they're by writers/directors/actors i like, i feel some sort of responsibility to like the movie i'm watching. this could have been like that, since i love shaun of the dead and i wanted to like this movie. but absolutely no effort on my part was required for me to love it. and that's i think the best compliment i can give. that's my highest endorsement.

i gave emmy a bath today. i was hoping that a bath might alleviate some of the fur weirdness she has going on right now. she grew this long second coat of fur in the winter, which was very useful for her since it was freezing cold and she likes to be out in the snow a lot. but NOW she is going back to an overall shorter haired look...on her back and head only. TOP of her head. her neck, spine, chest, and back legs have this ridiculous long hair all over them, which we fondly refer to as her "poof". (gotta get inside that poof!) and the rest of her is shorthaired. she looks ridiculous and kind of wolf-like. i was hoping that in the bath any remaining long fur would magically fall out and she would be beautifully shorthaired and not shed another strand until next year. but she looks just as ridiculous as ever. the other day someone asked brad if he could "pet your wolf dog." it's the neck poof that prompts that sort of talk. but i still love her in all her weirdness.

soooooo i guess i have to be lame again and quit writing to go do some laundry. boo hiss.

joie

the problem with me and blogging is that oftentimes when i feel like doing it, i am not at home and can't. sometimes i write down my blogs on paper...like at work a few weeks ago, when i wrote the following. i was feeling kind of gloomy. i'm less gloomy now but i still think the same things...and feel them quite a bit sometimes.

**

i'm not sure if this is where the quote (paraphrased) is from or not - but i believe it was topher grace's character in the movie in good company who said that we are living our lives at such a pace now that, where people used to have mid-life crises in their actual mid-lives, now we're having them much sooner. it feels true. i'm 26 years old. that is young. and i know it's normal to be figuring out who you are and what you want at this age. but i feel like the questions i have - is corporate life a waste, is money a blessing or a curse - should not be what i'm thinking about, but rather the thoughts of an older generation. i feel like there's a lot of pressure on me from somewhere, and i don't know exactly where that is, to make RESPONSIBLE choices instead of ones based on something meaningful and lasting. maybe the pace of life isn't prompting this so much as it really is me figuring out what i want and what i know about myself - which, so far, seems to be that cubicle life, no matter how nice the cubicle, co-workers, pay, stability, or challenges might be - is zapping me of joie de vivre. because i don't know what the point of doing this is. i can do, and am doing, good work here. it's a billion times better than where i've been. but that doesn't make it satisfying or right, and it does not justify settling. lots of people, MOST people, will never even dream of having a fraction of the opportunities i do. it's wronging me, and them, and God, i think, for me to settle for anything less than the joy of living.

semifine semisweet chocolate

i'm addicted to chocolate chips. i think i might be slowly evolving into what people so cleverly refer to as a chocoholic. i love chocolate. dark chocolate. chocolate chips poured into and then fished out of a mug so that they don't melt in the palm of my hand. they're delicious. the best thing is that the more i read about chocolate, dark chocolate, specifically, is the more i learn how good it is for you. so many antioxidants, so good for the heart, so much deliciousness. as runnersworld.com told me, chocolate is, in fact, a plant food. of course that means that you're supposed to consume it in as close to its natural state as possible, i.e. not much sugar, milk, caramel, etc. added. but that's fine with me. as long as it's semisweet. semifine semisweet chocolate.

so i've been thinking about something. i feel a little awkward about it. but i think i want to try to be a writer. i don't know what i want to write. magazine articles? childrens books? online articles? fiction? commentaries? blogs? there's a lot that i like and a lot that i'm not sure i'd be great at, but the fact is that i like to write quite a bit. i might even like writing as much as i like reading, which is a lot. also, i think i'm a pretty good writer. i'm probably not often going to showcase my best work HERE per se, and contrary to what i may lead you to believe, i do know how to capitalize in the right places...but overall, i can write well. so that is a very vague, very fuzzy announcement of what i would like to do. nothing concrete here thanks. but it's only recently that i've realized that maybe i shouldn't just say that in my ideal world where i'm living my dream life i'd be a writer and start trying to think of ways that i can be a writer in my actual life.

semi-extraordinary circumstances

i am so tired. last night instead of going to bed right when we got home from a meeting, we watced the tivo'd grammys. (grammies? grammys. that's right.) i thought they were pretty good though. i was surprised by how much of the recording we actually wanted to watch. i thought the girl who won the contest to perform with justin timberlake did a really good job. she was oh so confident. and, i think that justin was nice to her - instead of dancing off all over the stage, he stayed right by her and the camera was therefore on her almost the whole time. it's everything i would want for my first appearance at the grammys. i'll be recreating that moment next year.

i missed my bus today. that's why i'm here blogging right now. i feel guilty when i get to work late, but i planned out part of my day and how i'm going to start work on some important projects while i was out walking emmy...so that counts as working, right? just as good as being there. better to be at home thinking about something productive than sitting at work with a blank mind wishing i were at home. right?

my uncle stopped by our house while we were at work last week and dropped off a late christmas present. it's a book called "girls". i skimmed the inside cover and learned it was about twins. i was pretty excited to read what the jacket said was a great book about twins. it turns out that the twins are conjoined twins. it might turn out to be a really, really great book, and i'm not saying that there should not be novels written about conjoined twins, but i feel like every newish book i read lately that is supposed to be about just plain life has to have some really unusual twist to it. they're all about ordinary people in semi-extraordinary circumstances. like this one i just read about twins (twins again - weird) who were separated at birth because one had downs syndrome and it was the 60s and her dad gave her away and she was raised by a nurse and how her family falls apart because of it. it was kind of a good book at times. but i feel like some of the books that get a lot of buzz lately have to have some sort of edgy concept. i would be interested in reading a book about regular, boring old twins. or families that aren't dysfunctional and people that don't do drugs or die. maybe that's why i decided to read the oh so wholesome and "regular" anne of the island this weekend. but i'm sure i'll end up reading "girls" too. i'll probably really like it and then maybe i'll regret everything i've said. i like getting books as gifts.

well, time to get ready to catch bus #2.