clubhouse

oh, my dog is a problem. i love her. she is one of my best and nicest and cutest friends. but she is causing all sorts of trouble. tonight, like every morning and night, i took her for a walk. she has to wear a contraption called a Gentle Leader, so that she won't pull her little self to every interesting thing and damage her spine. she hates that Gentle Leader. does it gently lead her? yes, in fact, it does. does that make it a great walking companion? no, it does not. what it means is that instead of looking forward to her evening trot, emmy runs around the house to avoid the Gentle Leader, paws at it throughout the entire walk, and frequently races over to other people's yards while we're out so that she can rub her face in the grass and get that thing off. i don't exactly blame her. but we used to be able to go for about an hour, and now we're down to about twenty minutes, tops.

but is emmy cutting back how much she eats in relation to her limited exercise, as fitness magazine would advise? no, she certainly is not. she, much like me, knows no moderation when it comes to food (although i'm getting better). i could eat a bucket of ice cream, no problem. emmy is not allowed to have dairy or chocolate, BUT, who cares about that when there's a plum tree in the back yard and YOU CAN EAT ALL THE PLUMS YOU WANT?? and that is exactly what she's been doing, apparently. most evenings emmy spends some time in the back yard by herself under the plum tree. brad and i have started to refer to it as her clubhouse. "where's emmy?" "oh, i think she's out at her clubhouse." fantastic. but today i was dutifully scooping up her poop, and what did i see in it (gross), but millions and billions of plum pits, which she frantically swallowed whole. what did she do the entire time i scooped up her poop? ate plums. unceasingly. what is she doing as i write? prancing back to the tree for more plums. when is she going to die of plum inhalation? any day.

but she's going to do it alone, because mrs. emmy has gotten herself uninvited to my parents' house this weekend. she and my dad became best friends when my parents were here a few weeks ago, and he said we should bring her along when we came for a visit in august. well my friends, that visit is starting friday, and as of tonight, WEDNESDAY, i learned that my mom is oh so uncertain about having a dog in the house. fantastic again. so rather than have an awkward weekend of constantly watching the dog when we'd rather be visiting friends, we're scrambling to find a temporary home for her. anybody want a dog?

well, i need to go get a refreshing diet pepsi and prepare myself for an allison-free project runway. WHYYYYYYY, whyyy allison???