Aches and pains

I just went to the farmers' market (for the first time all year - I'm sorry! Albertsons is practically next store, and even though I hate it there it's just so freaking convenient) and bought corn on the cob and some arugula, and I am pretty excited to eat them for dinner. No, Brad will not like the arugula, thanks for wondering. But I bought it anyway, even after a lady there gave me some to sample and I remembered just how spicy and non-lettucey arugula can taste. It will freak him out. Actually, I probably wouldn't have bought any EXCEPT that the booth lady offered me a sample. After I'd tasted it, even though it was making my eyes kind of water and all I'd really wanted was plain old regular romaine or something, I felt a little guilty and therefore ready to buy. She'd just done me a favor! Free samples are probably a well worth the sales person's efforts when dealing with eager-t0-pleasers like me.

Which is why, when I saw a little old man with a little old stool and a box full of something labeled "That Stuff," I tried to pass by unnoticed, so that I wouldn't have to engage and, shortly thereafter, feel the unignorable obligation to buy something I didn't want. But he stopped me.

"Excuse me, miss, do you have any aches or pains?"

The truth is that I do have aches AND pains, and most of them are concentrated on the outside of my right knee, and all over my right shoulder. But I knew he was selling something and I didn't want to be pitched to, so I just stayed awkwardly silent for a minute. He was undeterred.

"Injuries? Illnesses? Migraine headaches? Any discomfort at all? If you do, That Stuff" (he picked up one of the bottles of clear liquid that was next to the stool) "will cure it in just 30 seconds!"

I didn't want to try That Stuff, because I didn't want to feel any pressure to buy That Stuff. So I straight up lied. "Actually, I'm feeling pretty good right now."

"What about your parents? Your grandparents? Do THEY have any aches or pains?"

Hmm, how to address this? Yes, I do indeed have parents, who I'm sure have more than enough aches and pains. No, I don't like lying to little old men. Yes, it is ridiculous that I internally agonize over moments like this.

"Well, they don't live in the area."

"Oh. Well, where do they live?"

"Seattle."

"OK, well, do they ever come visit? If they do, bring them by. I'm here every Thursday."


It was the saddest and most earnest of pitches. If you have any aches or pains, please see the extremely eager little old salesman at the Perry Street Farmers' Market. He's there every Thursday from 3 to 7. Tell your grandma!